


Sweetheart, I'd Die for You.

by eowyn628



Category: Sons of Anarchy
Genre: F/M
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-02-18
Updated: 2016-06-20
Packaged: 2018-05-21 09:16:08
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 9
Words: 29,151
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6046162
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/eowyn628/pseuds/eowyn628
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Half-Sack is dead and his little sister, Kylee finds her way to Charming for the funeral. Before returning to Northern Ireland she finds herself falling for a certain mohawked, tattooed biker. Will Kylee stay and follow her heart or will she dutifully return to Northern Ireland? Come read as her story unfolds. I do not own the rights to any of the Sons of Anarchy characters those belong to Mr. Sutter and FX. I only own the rights to my own original characters I created.  This story is also known as the Little Sister on FF.net</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

Chapter 1: The Funeral

"And O there are days in this life, worth life and worth death." ~Charles Dickens   
____________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________

I could not believe he was gone. I stared at my brother's body lying there, so pale, so still and cold in the black steel casket. I waited for his chest to rise and for Kip to sit up and tell me it was just a joke, but he chest didn't rise and he remained still. No longer would I see my brother flashing smile and blue eyes that mimicked my own. How could Kip die? He had seemed so invincible as we were growing up and even as an adult, he seemed to somehow be almost indestructible. How could he leave me alone in this world? He was the only flesh and blood I had left in the world. Granted, we hadn't been close since I moved to Ireland but he was still my older brother, my hero, my strength. Tears fell down my burning cheeks and dripped on to the leather kutt that lay on his casket. My brother had been a prospect of the Sons of Anarchy motorcycle club, however his kutt said he was a full blown member. He would have told me if they had made him a full member, so they must have bestowed that honor on him after he died. Go figure, poor Kip always a minute too late.

Kip would send me emails about what he was up to from time to time and he mentioned the members...his new family fondly. I wiped the tears from my eyes and looked around the room. I didn't know any of the men or women he was so proud to know. I was sure they didn't know who I was, or that I even existed. I had heard about my brother's death from a member of Sons of Anarchy's Northern Ireland Charter. My boyfriend, Liam worked closely with them; my best friend, Trinity was the daughter of one of their founding members. I had made it to Charming just in time for his funeral. It would have broken my heart if I wasn't around to say good-bye to Kip. My Kip.

"Who's the brunette?" I heard a voice say from behind me. I turned my head and saw a blonde haired, blue eyed man wearing the same cut as my brothers staring straight at me. He was the vice president according to his flash across the top of his right pocket. A little young for a VP but then again what did I know.

"Not sure, but she is hot. Do you think Sack had a piece of ass that we didn't know about?" The other man said. He was tall with lightly tanned skin; he had tribal tattoos on either side of his dark hair which was shaved into a short Mohawk.

I felt butterflies flurry in my stomach when his brown eyes caught mine. Instead of letting them talk about me like I wasn't there; I walked up to them and set them straight. "I am not Kip's piece of ass. I am his younger sister, Kylee." The thought of being a piece of ass for my brother made bile rise in my throat. "Gross." I shook my head in disdain, I did not want to think about Kip getting ass for that matter.

They both chuckled. The blonde introduced himself, offering me his hand. "I'm Jax. It's nice to meet you, I think he mentioned once about having a sister but that was a long time ago." He shook my hand, "I'm sorry about your loss."

"Thanks. We weren't too close any more. When I turned 17, I moved to Ireland and he went into the army. We talked and emailed each other a few times a year but he was the only blood I had left. Now I just have my family in the North. Hell, I haven't been back stateside for 8 years." My muttered Americanized-Irish lilt should have given that away. I had easily picked up the Irish mannerisms. Then again I had been there for 8 long years and I shouldn't have sounded like I was solely from American anymore.

"That's a nice accent you have." The tattoo guy said. He was trying to flirt with me, his eyes were soaking me in.

"Are you hitting on my boy-o? Do you really think my brother's funeral is the place to do it?" I raised an eye brow at him as a challenge.

"I...um yeah." He stumbled on his word but didn't lie. There was a first, a man, who didn't lie to me or shadow the truth with lies. He seemed slightly nervous; he fidgeted a bit but then smiled. Oh. My. God. That smile was like a thousand watt light bulb, it lit up the room. He was extremely attractive, if I wasn't with Liam; I would have made a move on him myself.

"Don't listen to Juice, he's a shit head." Jax teased as he gave Juice a playful shove. "We're having a party tonight in honor of your brother if you would like to come."

I smiled at his thoughtfulness, but was hesitant to accept the offer. I knew how the SAMBEL parties were and they were not really my scene. They always had sweet butts everywhere; the scantily clad women, who wanted nothing more to find one of the club members to make her his old lady. They were willing to screw any of the Sons; hell they would fuck all of them in one night if that meant they could be an old lady or had a glimmer of hope of becoming one. I never saw what was good about being an old lady of a member of SOA, seemed like too much trouble.

"We don't bite." Jax teased, joy glinted in his blue eyes.

"Speak for yourself, Jax." Juice winked at me. My stomach dropped but I kept a straight face. I could already tell that this man was going to be the death of me. I could feel myself making bad decisions and I had spoken to him for all of three seconds.

"I'll think about it." I nodded briefly at Jax. "And you..." I turned to Juice, his chocolate brown eyes got big as I got close to him and quietly whispered in his ear, "I bite too." I smirked at him before returning to Kip's casket to say my final good byes.

After I had told my brother that I loved him and would never forget him; I had to get away from the people and the chaos. I needed time to process what had just happened and the fact that I no longer had any living relatives. It was too much too take in while be surrounded by strangers.

I saw Juice when I stepped out into the California sunshine. He glanced over at me as I made my way down the stairs. He made me through all sense to the wind. "You can pick me up at my brother's house before the party." Juice stared at me with a look of disbelief. "You do know where his house is, right?" He nodded as a smile flashed across his face. "Alright. I'll see you later than." I said as I turned and walked away. A smiled crossed my lips; that had felt good, it was liberating almost. What happens in America stays in America, I thought to myself.   
My phone rang as soon as I thought that, it was Liam.

"Hello Love." I heard on the other side of the phone, he was rather chipper. Far from the angry, brooding Irishman, I had left 36 hours prior.

"Hi Liam. How's things?" I asked quietly, trying not to upset his new merry mindset. I sat on the hood of my silver sedan rental car and took in the warmth of the sun, a lovely change from the Irish mists.

"Oh you know same old. How are things in Charming?" Liam asked.

"Sad. It was hard saying goodbye to Kip. I thought he would always around for me." My brother had always seemed so unshakable. The last time I had seen him was when he was in a hospital in Germany during his stint in Afghanistan. He had been wounded in action; he had lost half of his sack. I was guessing that is where is club nickname came from.

"When will you be home?" Liam questioned, there was the Liam I knew. Always wanting to know when, where and why.

"Do miss me, love?" I asked trying to lighten his mood. I had become good at that over the last few years.

"Of course I do. I don't know what to do with myself without you here." Lies. He had probably already bedded some whore. They were always throwing themselves at him, so why not? I mean, we were not on the best of terms at that moment anyway. I had moved myself into a separate bedroom almost a year prior and he didn't even seem to care. He took what he wanted from me when he wanted it.

"I should be home in a week or so. I just have to clean out my brother's house, I will most likely leave it all to SAMCRO." I stated matter of factually. I knew I would never be able to sell Kip's house just in case I needed a place to run to one day. 

"Watch yourself around them, darlin'. You know how they make girls welcome." He reminded me. I turned back and looked at Juice, who was talking to a tall man with a thick beard and long hair. He had the hand of a petite brunette woman who was dressed more like a house wife than a biker's old lady.

"I know love. I can handle myself. You know that." I reminded him. I knew how to defend myself thanks to Kip.

"I am well aware of how well you can handle yourself. Well Kyle, I will talk to you tomorrow then. I love you." What? He hadn't said he loved me in months. It had to be his way of trying to reign me in. Those words meant nothing from him at that point. They were just words.

"Me too." I hung up my phone, I took a deep breath and got in to the rental but not before stealing one more glance at Juice. Good God!

I didn't feel guilty about asking Juice to pick me up. Things between Liam and I were rough and well down right intolerable. He had changed and the phone call was just his way of reminding me he had control over me. I was grateful for the distance I had between us. That distance was giving me a sense of freedom and liberation I had not felt in years. It gave me time to think, time to figure out who I was without Liam controlling me.

For the first time I was excited to see what Charming had to give to me. I had never taken Kip on his invitation to visit him in Charming and maybe I should have. I often thought the US was not a place I would ever visit again, because it didn't hold anything I wanted badly enough. Boy was I wrong, what I would have given to have one more moment with my brother. I missed Kip but for some reason I had never felt so close to him as I did at that very minute. I had a feeling this trip was about the change everything in my life.


	2. SAMCRO

Chapter 2

The gladdest moment in human life, me thinks, is a departure into unknown lands.  
~ Sir Richard Burton

I was a bundle of nerves as I got ready for the party at the SAMCROs club house. I didn't know what to expect from the club, its old ladies or the skanks that hung out around the club. I did know better than to wear anything too sexy, however, I did want to look good. I dressed in a pair of dark wash skinny jeans, they hugged my curves and made my ass look good; a low cut V-neck t-shirt in black, just enough cleavage and my black riding boots that came up to my knees. I pulled my long brown hair up into a sleek ponytail and touched up my make-up. I was grateful that my eyes were no longer puffy and my face was not blotchy like it was when I got back to Kip's house. I had just finished getting ready to go when there was a knock at the door.

I was staying at Kip's house while I was in Charming. I thankfully knew his address and that there was always a key hidden under the rock on his patio; a trick our dad taught him. My plan was to go through all of his crap, a task all in itself; take what I wanted, give away stuff and then sell the house. My brother had become a pack-rat, if not a hoarder. Another knock...

"I'm comin'...I'm comin'!!" I yelled as I walk towards the front door. I knew who it was before I even got there. Butterflies dancing furiously in my stomach; I hadn't felt that sort of nervy excitement since the first time I went on a date with Liam. It was a pleasant surprise. I opened the door and on the other side was Juice. He was wearing the same clothes he had been wearing at Kip's funeral and was still just as attractive. 

"You look..." He stopped himself as if he was going to regret what he was about to say.

"I look? Please don't tell me I look like shite." I said self-consciously, hoping I actually looked good and not like I had been crying all day. I motioned for him to come in to the house, as I walked away from the door and grabbed my bag off the chair in the living room.

"Oh no. I wasn't going to say that." He murmured. I turned back and saw he was checking out my ass. It was nice to be ogled for once without repercussions; if anyone would have done it in Northern Ireland, Liam would have his goons take him out back and poke his eyes out. I would have been punished too because it was my fault because of what I was wearing or how I looked. Jealous and vicious, that is what Liam was.

"Eyes are up here boy-o." I pointed to my face and smirked at him.

He smiled back at me and said, "Oh I know. You ready to go?" Juice quickly tried to change the subject.

"Aye, I think am." I said, as I followed him out the door giving me a chance to check out his ass. Hey, it was only fair. It was a nice one from what I could tell his jeans were slightly baggy. But from what I could tell from his physic the boy was fit. I bit my lip wondering what sort of marvels lay under his clothing.

It was getting dark the sky was a deep hazy purple color. Juice handed me a helmet as I climbed on to the back of his bike. It had been an extremely long time since I had been a motorcycle; Liam wouldn't allow me to be on one. He told me one time in a drunken rage that people would view me as a biker whore and he would not have his girlfriend be looked at like that. After that the idea of me being on the back of some guys' motorcycle was no longer up for discussion...at least on his end. I was actually surprised that he let me go to Charming on my own; I never got to do anything on my own anymore. I always had at least one of his minions watch over me like hawks. This was his way of controlling what I did and knowing my every move.

Juice climbed onto the bike, it was the closest I had been to him. He smelt like leather and soap, it was a delicious, heady scent that filled my being. As I put my arms around him, I couldn't help but realize how right being with him felt.

"You smell good; like soap and leather." I whispered into his ear. I heard him laugh as he kick started his Harley. "Jesus what have I gotten myself into..." I muttered as I tightened my grip around his waist. The things you that you forget about when you hadn't done them in a long time. I thought about it and the last time I had been on the back of a bike, it was with Kip before he was sent to Afghanistan and I moved away. Granted, I had been tempted many times by the SAMBEL members, but I was too weak to defy Liam. Distance made my heart grow bolder and stronger.

"You're in good hands." Juice turned his head towards me. "Just relax and enjoy the ride." I loosened my grip slightly and rested my head against his back. I could feel his muscles tense up even through his kutt. Was I seriously making him nervous? I pulled back, realizing that it felt too familiar. Why was I so comfortable with him, when I had seriously only said about two words to the guy? As I sat back a little more relaxed he took off quickly. I tightened my grip again in uneasy anticipation but then let go slightly as we moved down the road; feeling a bit more relaxed.

 

Teller-Morrow, the home of SAMCRO's clubhouse, was about a ten-minute ride from Kip's house. By the time we got to the club, I was close to telling Juice to just pass on by and keep going. I forgotten how much I had loved being on the back of a bike. It was exhilarating and washed my worries and even my sadness. I couldn't remember the last time I had felt that way. I was actually sad that the ride had to end so quickly. But then again there was always the ride home. Juice got off of the bike first, I followed and handed him, his helmet which he hung from the handle bar of his sleek black Harley.

"Thanks for the ride." I smiled broadly at him. I felt liberated.

"Anytime you want to go again just let me know....well I mean other than the ride home tonight." He stumbled on his words.

Jesus he was cute when he tripped on his words. "I will just have to take you up on that. I promise I will not have a death grip next time." He laughed and then smiled to himself. It was as if he had some secret thought about what I just said to him.

We walked towards the clubhouse; the building was pretty unassuming other than the giant reaper out the outside of the building. The outside of the building had a boxing ring, I would have loved to step in there and spar. It has been months since I was "allowed" to box, with or without a partner. Liam had put an end to that when I ended up with a black eye from one of my sparing partners. I am pretty sure she ended up with two after Liam's boys got a hold of her. I wasn't made out of glass but he thought so, or maybe it was the fact I had to look the perfect part in his charades he put forth. My job was to be quiet and look pretty; a black eye was not what Liam wanted me to portray. It made him look like he beat me, when everyone knew that I loved to box. Liam had to that day never laid a hand on me which I was grateful for, but he did have his men push me around every now and again, they left bruises where no one could see and ruin Liam's reputation.

"You guys have a ring." I touched it as we walked past. "I bet Kip kicked some ass in there." I thought fondly of my brother, who at taught me everything I knew about the ring. One of many youthful bonding moments. He wanted me to know how to defend myself in case he would be around one day. I had never thought that moment would have come so soon. But thanks to Kip I was able to defend myself well enough when I wasn't outnumbered by large goonish Irishmen, who did whatever their leader told them to do.

"Yeah, he was good. Better than all the other guys in SAMCRO. We bet against him once, shit that was a bad idea. He was supposed to lose after winning a bunch of matches, we had it rigged. But your damn brother won and we lost every dime because Clay pissed him off when he was dating Cherry."

Oh her. I thought about the girl who had shown up one night with a member of the Kings. She was working for Mo at her store, helping out the club. I hadn't really give her much thought, until she mentioned Kip one night while I was over visiting Trinity. The next day she was one of my least favorite people because she was getting it on with a member of SAMBEL. If she was supposed to be my brother's old lady then she shouldn't have been fucking any of the other Sons. So much for faithfulness. I should have put her in her place when I had the chance.

"Do you box?" Juice pulled me from my thoughts.

I looked at him, his brown eyes searched mine. "I did. Why do you ask?"

"I was curious. You got a look on your face when you saw the ring. You lit up and got a sorta nostalgic look on your face." A soft smile crossed Juice's face.

"If my brother would have had it his way, I would have been ladies lightweight champion. But I would have also had a broken nose and God knows what else." I smirked at the thought. Kip had always wanted me to take up boxing as a profession, he said I was fast and sure footed, two of the main things you needed as a boxer. I was too vain to be a boxer, I liked my face too much to ruin it.

"I am glad you didn't. Your nose is perfect just the way it is." Juice smiled as he placed his hand on the small of my back and escorted me to the heart and soul of SAMCRO territory.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Please let me know what you think.


	3. Family

"A family not only need to consist of merely those whom we share blood, but also for those whom we'd give blood." ~Charles Dickens

As soon as we crossed over the threshold I was assailed by the smell of cigarette smoke, alcohol and the faintest smell of pussy. There were crow eaters everywhere, clinging to the closest guy with a kutt on. People lined the walkway, I was grateful I had a member with me, it made me feel more secure.

"Hi Juicy." One the crow eaters touched him on the arm a little too intimately, running her hand which was donned with long acrylic, red nails under Juice's kutt. He smirked at her before moving her hand from his chest. She looked like she was ready to be in a porn. She was dressed in a short, short school girl skirts and white button up shirt that was tied just under her too large boobs.

"Those aren't real." I said to Juice as we passed by noticing that his eyes had lingered a little too long on her chest.

"Are you jealous?" He jested, letting his eyes drift lazily down to my chest.

"Of those boobs?" looking down at my own. They were large enough for me, and ample handful is all I needed. "No! Mine are just fine, thank you very much." Juice laughed at me as we stopped at a table that was full of women. I recognized one of them from the funeral, she was the one that was dressed like a housewife...now she was not. She had her dark hair tied back in a ponytail and she was wearing a tight black tank top that showed off a bit of cleavage.

"Ladies, this is Half-Sacks little sister, Kylee." Shite, they were the old ladies of the club. I felt my nerves rise; how were they going to treat me? The old ladies in Belfast were not very nice women, it was hard to get in with them. Well, other than Maureen, she had taken me under her wing and treated me as if I were her own.

"Kylee, this is Gemma, Tara and Donna." Juice introduced me. I looked at each of them, Gemma was obviously the matriarch of the club. I could tell by way she held herself. Tara was younger, she was probably in her thirties. She smiled at me warmly. Donna was the woman I had seen at Kip's funeral.

"I'm sorry for your loss." Donna said and offered me a seat with them.

"Thank you." I said as I sat in the chair she offered.

Juice touched me on the back, "Do you want anything to drink?"

"Aye, I'll have a Jameson on the rocks." I said without skipping a beat. Jameson had been my drink of choice for a few years going. I had many a fond memory while drinking it with Trinity and Kerrianne and it had also helped blur away some bad ones.

"That's a big drink for such a little girl." Juice teased as he walked away. I felt the urge to stick my tongue out at him but refrained. Truth was I didn't care for American beer and I needed something strong to take the edge off my frayed nerves.

"He likes you." Gemma said matter of factly. I looked at her with a confused look. "He's attentive to you."

"I just figured he was like that with everyone." I looked at him, he was laughing with a heavy set man with a beard and long curly hair.

Gemma shook her head, "No sweetheart. Just you."

"Will you be staying a while?" Tara asked, it was more out of curiosity then grilling me.

"A week or so, I have to clean out Kip's house and sell the place. Then I'll be heading back to Belfast." I thought of all the stuff in the house it would take me months to really go through it all. I would take it one day at a time and head back to Belfast when I was done. The longer I was away the more wrath I was sure to face with Liam when I got back but I didn't care.

"Let us know if you need any help. We'd be more than happy to do anything you need." Tara smiled, it was a genuine smile.

"I'll do that." I said as a Jameson was placed in front of me. "Thanks, Juice." I turned to him, I saw he had a light beer in his hand. "Are you serious? You make fun of me for drinking a Jameson on the rocks and you drink this shite?" I lightly push his hand with the beer.

"What?" He looked at his beer then takes a drink. "Taste fine to me." He smiled and walked to talk to Jax.

I rolled my eyes and turned back to the ladies of SAMCRO; just as a large group of scantily clad women in hooker looking heels walked in. They fanned out across the room, to pretty much each one of the SAMCRO members.

"Whores walking." Gemma said, I frowned but knew that she was talking about the women who had just walked through the door. She continued on, "Those, my dear, are the porn whores from Cara Cara." I watched them. One of them walked up to Juice and put her hand under his kutt running it up and down his chest. She was a blonde, skinny, big boobs. "That's Ima. She has a thing for Juice."

"...And Jax, and Opie and Happy and..." Tara trailed off with an annoyed laugh and a list of names that didn't make sense to me. "Let's just face it she is a porn slut who likes to eat crow." I looked back over at Juice who was talking with Ima but then glanced over at me. I quickly turned away. I wanted to go up to her and punch her in the face. Why did I feel such violence towards her, when I staked no claim to Juice. Maybe it was because I wanted to be doing what she was doing, I wanted to be the center of his attention. I shook off the thought.

"Different country same crow eating bitches. They are all the same aren't they? No matter what charter you go to." I mumbled.

"They are." Donna said, "They will fuck anything with a reaper on it." Looking at the Cara Cara girls with disgust. I took a big drink of my whiskey.

"If you'd excuse me I need some air. All this pussy is making me sick." I said finishing off my Jameson. I heard them laugh joyfully and I thought I heard Gemma say something about me fitting in just fine.

I walked out the door and over to the boxing ring, I ran my hand over the mat and smiled at the fact that I was touching a ring where Kip had been only several days before. To the left of the ring there was a punching bag hanging from the rafters. I punched it softly at first but then I let loose and took out everything that had been pent up in me for months. It felt so good to get my aggression out. I could have stayed there all night knocking the bag around, however I knew I was being rude to my hosts. The party after all was in my brother's memory. I don't know how long they were watching me but when I turned around there were some guys standing there and they all started clapping. I saw him, Juice had been watching me too. It was strange I could pick him out of the crowd. I curtsied a few time before walking away from the bag.

"That's one hell of a right hook you have, darlin'" A man with scars on either side of his face; he had a Scottish accent said. "Where'd you learn to fight like that?"

"My brother." I said as I walked up to them.

"Aye, your Half Sack's sister. I'm Chibs." As soon as he said his name I knew who he was. My friend, Kerrianne's father.

"You're Kerrianne's da." I looked at him, I could see her in him. She looked more like her mother, Fiona but there was a small bit of Chibs in her. It was the eyes.

"Aye, you know my Kerri?" He smiled as he came up and took me in his arms and embraced me tightly. I was sure it was because he wanted to have a small piece of her near him.

"That I do. She's one of my closest friends." I returned his embrace.

"Then you're okay with me love." He kissed me on the lips. Something that I was used to. The Irish would do that when the accepted people. It wasn't as sign of attraction but more a sign of approval. I smiled as we back away from each other. "Tell her that I love her."

"Better yet, why don't you..." I pulled out my mobile phone and dialed Kerri's number. I knew it was close to 10 pm in California so it would be close to 6 am in Belfast. She picked up.

"It's early here you know." Kerrianne's voice on the other line sounded tired.

"Aye, I know that. I have someone who wants to talk to you." I handed the phone to Chibs and walked away, giving him some time to talk to Kerri.

"That was nice of you." Jax walked up to me and put his arm around my shoulder. He was an attractive man. "Sounds like the ladies like you."

"Nice is my middle name." I joked. "I like the ladies too. They are all very nice, which is very unlike the old ladies in Belfast. They protect their club and their spots in the club. I don't understand because I have never been a threat. I have always been Liam's girl, which according to Mo, is held in a much higher standard." I rolled my eyes. "Higher, ah it's good to be queen," I said sarcastically. "What's not love about armored cars, armed escorts and constantly being watched and controlled?" I stepped back. "Sorry, I didn't mean to be so down."

"It's okay darlin'" He said as we started walking back towards the clubhouse. Juice joined us.

"I got you another drink." He handed me another Jameson.

"Are you trying to get me drunk?" He smiled at me and shrugged. "You should know that I have lived in Ireland for 8 years. It is going to take a LOT more than two Jameson whiskeys to get me drunk." I smirked. "By the way what happened to you friend?" I asked as I shoved him lightly.

"Oh you saw that?" He sounded concerned. How could I have missed it?

"Yes, I did. She's quite a hooker...oh I mean looker." He laughed at me. 

 

The rest of the evening flew by quickly. I got to know Tara, Gemma and Donna better. It was like we were old friends by the end of the evening. Gemma had even invited me over for dinner the following night, which was pretty much reserved for club members and their old ladies. I felt so accepted. It felt like home. I knew why my brother loved his other family so much. Juice took me home and the ride was just as exhilarating at the first time. Juice wanted to make sure I made it into the house without a hassle, so he walked me to the door. That was a first for me.

"Thanks for bringing me this evening. I had a really good time." I smiled, as a warm feeling flushed through me. I was slightly tipsy from all the drinks I had been fed. I was surprised how much I drank by the end of the night; it's funny how much you can drink when you are having a good time with people you like.

"You're welcome." Juice smiled as he leaned towards me so his face was just inches from me. I looked at him, he was so close, I could smell the liquor on his breath. His eyes were a warm chocolate brown and they oozed passion and want. Then he kissed me. His kiss was soft and passionate. How could something so wrong, feel so right? I thought to myself. I pushed him away.

"I can't. I'm sorry." I fumbled as I tried to get my keys out of my bag. He looked at me with a confused look on his face. "I have a boyfriend, Liam. I can't." I thought about what he would do to me if he had found out I had kissed another man. "I'm so sorry Juice." He nodded.

"It's okay. I just assumed that you were into me." Oh I was. I was.

He deserved my honestly, "Believe me, if it wasn't for Liam...." I trailed off, then threw all my good sense to the wind and kissed him fervently. When we finally parted I felt fevered and warm. I could still feel where his lips were on mine, my skin burned where he touched me. "You should go before I do anything else I might regret."

"Yeah." He smiled slyly at me. I watched as he walked down the sidewalk and got on his Harley and drive away. It was then I realized was falling; I only prayed that I wouldn't fall too hard.


	4. Confession

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope you're enjoying Kylee's journey in Charming so far. This story has already been finished but I am editing it currently so chapters will come frequently. Please feel free to leave a comment about what you think...Cheers and ENJOY!

“The dip in the road that sends your belly to your throat that’s how it feels when you kiss me.” ~Kellie Elmore

 

I tried to keep myself busy most of the morning, which was easy with all of Kip’s belongings surrounding me. I was only doing it because anytime I wasn’t focusing on what a mess my brother left behind, I would start thinking about the kiss I had shared with Juice the night before. Who was I kidding I was thinking about it even when I was going through Kip’s stuff. I didn’t know where we stood after I told him about Liam and then I went and kissed him like I did. I was torn. I really liked Juice even though I had only known him for a day. I knew I couldn’t just leave Liam; it wasn’t that easy. I knew that, but Juice didn’t, he didn’t know what Liam was capable of. I only knew that it would be a struggle to leave Liam, I was his property according to him. And if I left him before I had some sort of support from someone higher up than him in the pecking order, Liam would wipe out everyone and everything I cared about.   
I was in the middle of cleaning out at cedar chest when there was a knock at the door. My stomach jumped, I wasn’t expecting anyone. I got up and made my way through the many piles I had made throughout the day. They each had a place to go, one to the Sons, one for me, one for the disabled veterans, other donations and one that was trash. I pulled open the door to see Donna and Tara standing on the front stoop.   
“Hey, welcome to my mess.” I said to them as I stepped aside to let them in.   
“We brought coffee and bagels.” Donna offered up a bag and a large cup of coffee. They both smelled so good. I thought about it and I hadn’t eaten yet that morning, I was too busy trying to keep my mind off of Juice.  
“That smells wonderful!” I said as I walked into the kitchen, “Now let’s see if I can find a table under all this paperwork.” I picked up the piles of papers I had on the table, trying to go through my brother miscellaneous paperwork a task in itself. “Please sit down.” I told them as I gathered plates, knives and napkins from their places in the cabinets.   
“So I have to say I was surprised to not see Juice’s bike here this morning.” Tara smirked at me.   
“Why is that?” I muttered, “Is it that obvious that I like him?” I felt my cheeks flush, slightly embarrassed that I had let him in so quickly. In all of my life I had never let anyone get to me the way Juice had; there was something special about that man.  
“Yes.” Donna smiled warmly at me, “but it’s also equally as obvious that he likes you just as much. I don’t think any of us have seen him take to someone like he has taken to you.”   
I smiled at the thought of Juice; the butterflies came in swarms when I started to think about our kisses the previous evening. “I can’t.” I said as I placed everything on the table. Donna and Tara, both stared at me with the same befuddled looks in their beautiful eyes. I took a deep breath, “I have a boyfriend in Belfast.” I sat down to tell them my story about how I met Liam and my life as I know it Northern Ireland. “If you want to know I will tell you everything, my life is pretty much an open book to those who know me anyway and I hate lying.”   
“We have time.” Tara said quietly as she took a drink of her coffee. I think I could have used something stronger than a black coffee right about then.   
“When I was 17, I got accepted into college in Dublin. I was excited for the adventure and the mystery. Okay and the men. I met Liam two weeks after I moved to Dublin. He was so sweet then. I worked at a small pub on to help pay for my housing and for fun money. He was so persistent about getting me to go on a date with him. He would show up every night I worked or if I had picked up a shift he would be there. I enjoyed the attention I was getting for him. I liked being perused. Finally I gave in and went on a date with him…he was so different back then. He bought me flowers, showered me with compliments; he was a romantic or so I thought. At the end of our first semester of classes he told me he had to move back to Belfast because his father had died and he needed to help take over the family business. He asked me to move with him. I had only known him for 3 months, we had been dating two of those months. I didn’t take him up on his offer. I stayed in Dublin for one more semester while we dated long distance. I would go up to Belfast to visit him or he would come down to Dublin to see me. It just got to be too much so I moved to Belfast and I have lived there since. I quit school, my job and just up and left my friends in Dublin…I just gave up everything I had worked so hard for, for him. For love. I was a stupid, naïve girl. Things went really well for the first few years, I made friends in Belfast…Trinity and Kerri. But over time things began to change; Liam became more controlling. At first it started out with armed escorts whenever I left the house; for my safety, of course. Okay I got that, it was dangerous in Belfast at times. Then Liam began to give me a curfew…it was little things. I thought oh he is doing this for my safety. He was really seeing how far he could push me before I pushed back. Before I realized what was happening he had control of my whole life. He took away pretty much everything that I loved. I was only allowed to see Trinity and Kerri when it was convenient for him and his men. I couldn’t box anymore because my sparring partner gave me a black eye….she ended up with two and some broken ribs because of that. Sadly, my brother being killed by Cameron was the best thing that could have happened to me. I’ve had a chance to get away, to collect myself and realize how much I need to get away from Liam. To him I am a piece of property, not a person, not the girlfriend he once loved. Just a trophy.” I finished and hoped that they wouldn’t look at me with different eyes.   
“We can help you get out; the club will help.” Tara offered concern oozed from her very being.   
“I can’t ask you to put yourself in danger for me. I need to talk to Seamus. He’s Liam’s older brother he took over their father’s ‘business’ before Liam did…he got out. He has been my biggest supporter to leave since Liam has been so controlling.” I stated knowing that Seamus would be my only escape.   
“Please let us know if you need any help. The club will help however they can, you are a sister of a member, and we do what we can for family.” Donna said warmly.  
“Thank you so much. You do not understand how much your support and open friendship means to me. I really appreciate it.” I say as I take a large bite of my chocolate chip bagel. “I kissed Juice last night.” I said abruptly.   
“I knew something would happen.” Donna laughed. It was almost as if our previous conversation was forgotten. “The way you looked at each other. Hell, he turned down Ima for you. Just so you know you have probably made an enemy out of her, but then again pretty much everyone has.”   
I didn’t care if I made an adversary of Ima. She meant nothing to me, I didn’t know her nor did I care to.   
“So let me get this straight…you kissed him?” Tara asked.  
Thinking back to the previous night it as a bit fuzzy but I could remember that moment, “He kissed me first. I stopped him and told him about Liam. Then I kissed him.” I touched my lips as I felt his lips on mine again and smiled slightly. “Oi, things are going to be weird now, aren’t they?”   
“I’m sure they will be fine.” Tara said, “How what can we help you with around here?” She looked around at the mess.  
I was happy that they didn’t push any further with the Liam stuff. I needed to be strong enough on my own to get away before I could even consider being in a relationship with someone else. I put Donna and Tara to work on the living room where my brother had shelves books and war memorabilia. I told them the only things I wanted them to save for me to look at are things that they think that SAMCRO would want or something that had Kip and me together in it. The day passed quickly with my helpers. I really enjoyed Tara and Donna’s company. They reminded me of Kerrie and Trinity. I knew I could become good friends with them. They had good hearts.   
“Oh my god look at the time. Gemma will kill us if we are late.” Tara looked at the clock on the wall and stood up quickly. “Do you want to ride with me, Kylee?”   
“Sure I can do that. Do mind if I freshen up a bit?” I asked looking down at my clothes, yoga pants and an oversized t-shirt was probably not what I should wear to a SAMCRO dinner.   
“Yeah. No problem.” Tara smiled and brushed her hands off on her pants.   
“I have to go home and pick up the kids, plus Opie is probably wondering where I am.” Donna hugged me and then Tara. “I will see you guys in a little bit.”   
I quickly changed my clothes, I changed into a pair of jeans, sneakers and light blue t-shirt. I brushed my hair out and left it down. It had gotten long, it was to the middle of my back, I hadn’t realized since I tended to keep it in a messy bun or pony tail. I walked out into the living room where Tara was waiting for me.   
“Kylee?” I looked at her. “Has he ever hit you?”  
I knew she was talking about Liam. “No. I think he knows that I can fight better than he can.” I bent the truth, he had never hit me but his goons had.   
“Good. I really want to help you get out of there. I know we just met but you feel like family already. It is like you have always been here.” She put her arm around me. “Let me know if there is anything you need even when you go back to Northern Ireland.” I was so touched by her friendship, tears came to my eyes.   
“Thank you, Tara.” I would never forget her friendship.  
“You’re welcome. Now we should go before Mama Gemma murders us.” She pulled me along with her.


	5. Say Something

“ _Words may sting like anything, but silence breaks the heart.” ~Phyllis McGinley_

          Tara and I arrived at Gemma and Clay’s house at the same time as Juice, Chibs and Tig pulled up on their Harleys.  Tig pulled off his sunglasses, he winked and then smirked at me as he walked past.  He had the bluest eyes I had ever seen, they were like the color of the sky on a cloudless day.  His eyes were such a contrast to his dark hair

          “Hello darlin’.” Chibs came up, put his arm around my shoulder and pulled me into him like he had been friends for ages.  As I thought about it, it felt like we had; like had always been a part of Charming and SAMCRO.

          “Hey Chibs.  How are you feeling after last night?” He was completely sloshed by the time Juice and I left.  We left him face down in the lap of a Cara Cara girl.  The club was not private about what they did with the women, who they called Croweaters. It just happened, no matter who was around. 

          “Never been better.” He grinned at me.

          I shook my head, “Ah the joys of being Scottish.  I never thought I would meet anyone who could hold their liquor better than the Irish but I met the Scots.” I jested. Chibs snorted out a laugh as he released me.   

          I looked over at Juice and smiled.  He frowned and looked away as he walked into the house.   “Not going to be weird, right?” I lean over to Tara.   She shook her head and shrugged; she was just as dumbfounded as I was by Juice’s icy behavior.

          “Did you break his heart, love?” Chibs asked blatantly before confessing; “the boy’s been moping around more than normal today.”

          “I don’t know.”  I said as we walked into the house and I tried my best to not think about how Juice treating made me feel.  It smelt wonderful in Gemma and Clay’s place; just like baked chicken, potatoes and best of all fresh bread.  I loved fresh bread, it reminded me of the good parts of my childhood, when my parents were alive and my mum loved to bake.  Her bread was the best…well at least from a child’s perspective.    

          “It smells delicious in here Gemma.” I said as I walked into the kitchen.  “Can I help you with anything?” 

Gemma hugged me and kissed my cheek. “Glad you could make it sweetheart. If you want you can chop these veggies.” She turned me towards a counter full of broccoli, cauliflower, carrots, cucumbers, celery, cherry tomatoes and snap peas.  I took a knife from the cutting block and started chopping up the vegetable for everyone.    While I was doing that Donna and Tara were setting the table for everyone.    I felt like I was with a family; it had been a long time since I had felt that. 

          “Hey darlin’” I heard from behind me.  I turned around to see Jax, standing in the doorway to the kitchen.

          “Hey Jax.  How are you?” I smile warmly at him turning my attention away from the veg.

          “I’m doing well. How are things coming along at Half Sacks?”  He asked with a smile.

          “It’s coming along slowly; my brother has a lot of shite.  I feel like I will be here forever cleaning out his house.”  I sighed as I loaded some of the vegetables on to a tray that Gemma had set aside for me.  

          “Let me know if you need anything, I’ll send over some the guys over to help.” Jax offered. 

          “Actually if you could spare a few guys tomorrow, I have some things that either need to go to you guys or be put into the giant rubbish bin that is supposed to be delivered tomorrow.   Kip has a gun safe which I am assuming is full of guns; you guys can just have them.  I have to find the key first.” I shook my head, “I have no clue where he left it.” I didn’t even know where to begin to look for the stupid key.

          “I’ll send over a few guys over tomorrow morning.”  He said as we walked out of the kitchen and into the dining room.   Gemma had sat me between Juice and Happy.  Happy was the sort of man I wouldn’t have wanted to meet in a dark alley while I was alone.  He had a shaved head, dark brown eyes and a scowl on his face.  I wondered if there was a soft place in his heart or if he had a heart at all; he seemed so dark, so hard.     As I was thinking that he turned to me and smiled.  It was warm and touched his eyes; making him a lot less daunting than I thought. 

          “You enjoying your stay so far?”  Happy asked.

          “I am.  Well as much as I can.” I look slightly towards Juice, who seemed to be listening to our conversation however, when he saw I was looking at him he turned back to his food.    It was so awkward.  I shouldn’t have kissed him.  I couldn’t understand why was he ignoring me; I think that was what hurt the most. 

          Dinner was delicious. I spend most of my time talking to Happy.  After dinner, the ladies cleaned up the meal to help out Gemma and the guys enjoyed beers and smoked.     While Tara and I were doing the dishes I felt my phone vibrate in my pocket.  I pulled it out of my pocket and glanced down at it, Liam’s name flashed across the screen.  My stomach dropped and reality hit me hard in the chest, popping my bubble of happiness.

          “Excuse me, I should take this,” I said as I walk out into the back yards.   “Hello?”

          “Why haven’t you called me today?” Were the first words out of his mouth sharply. 

          “I’ve been busy Liam; it slipped my mind.” I said calmly.

          “How can calling me slip your mind? I knew it was a bad idea letting you go to Charming on your own. Who are you fucking?”  He had been drinking, I could tell by the slur in his voice and how angry he was.

          “REALLY?” I shot back feeling my anger rise in return. The distance between us has made me bolder. “You’re kidding me right?  Why do you think I am fucking someone? And I am actually glad you didn’t send anyone with me!”  I didn’t need one of his shadows following around.

          “Did you forget your place so quickly?” He yelled into the phone, my ear was ringing.  He was full of venom.  I didn’t know what to say back.  I was so angry but I didn’t want to provoke him any further.

          “Call me back when you are no longer drunk, Liam.”  I spit back and I hung up on him.  There would be hell to pay for that. If he remembered, who was, I kidding he would remember.

          “Trouble in paradise?” I hear from behind me.  I turned and looked; it was Juice.  He had a large, low ball glass full of a light brown liquid which I could only guess it was the scotch that the guys were passing around the table.  

          “Paradise?” I growled my voice full of anger.   “There is no delight in Belfast.”  I realized I was taking my anger out on Juice.   “Only here.” I mumble quietly as I looked down at the ground and then back up at him; he is staring at me.  “What?”

          “What did you just say?” He asked me quietly, his voice had lost its edge.

          “Nothing.  It doesn’t matter,” I replied, shaking my head.   Juice stepped closer to me.  He was close enough, I could smell the scotch on his breath. “What is your deal anyway?” I asked him.

          He looked at me with puzzled brown eyes; like he hadn’t just ignored me for over two hours during dinner.  I don’t know if anyone else had noticed the discomfort between the two of us but I certainly felt it.  “What are you talking about?” 

          “Really?!?!  Where were you for the last two hours Juice?”  I ask him.

          It was like it hit him.  “Oh. I…I was trying to put distance between us.  I don’t want to care about you and get close to you, Kylee.  You are just going to leave and you’re someone else’s old lady.”

          He was right, it was unfair to make him care for me.  It was unfair to me too.  I suppose in some way it was unfair to Liam too.  I needed to deny myself the one thing that I was starting to want so badly.  I wanted to have the family that the Sons provided each other.  I wanted to have a lover that wanted me for who I was and not who he wanted me to be and not because I was a good accessory to make him look good.

          “You’re right, we should keep our distance from each other.” I said as I started to walk away but he grabbed my arm.

          “The thing is, I don’t want to stay away from you.  It made me jealous that Happy had all your attention during dinner.  That he made you laugh and smile, when it should have been me.  I was kicking myself because I was being such an asshole.”  Juice admitted to me.   I let out a small giggle at the thought of being jealous over Happy, he wasn’t even close to my type.  Juice took advantage of my aloofness and kissed me.  I didn’t stop him; how could I when every fiber of my being burned for him.   The kiss was soft and wanting.  I was breathless when he pulled away.

 “Now tell me that you want to leave that.” He whispered into my ear and turned and walked away.    I didn’t want to leave it but I had to.  I needed to be honest with Juice and why I had to go back to Belfast; he at least deserved knowing that I didn’t want to leave.     

          I went back into the house and Gemma smiled at me, “So you and Juice seem to have gotten close.”  She must have seen us through the window.

          “Did you see that?” I felt my cheeks flush. 

          “Yes.  It would be nice if you stayed here and made Charming your home.  You fit in well; that’s not an easy task sweetheart.”  She put her arm around me and gave me a side hug. 

          “I can’t right now.  But maybe one day.” I said just as Juice walked into the kitchen with Chibs and Tara.

          “Hey, I was getting ready to leave, do you want me to drop you off at your place?” Tara asked.  She had an early day at the hospital the following day and had to call it a night.   

          “I can take her home.” Juice winked at me. 

          “Are you sure?” Tara asked him but looked at me. 

          “I wouldn’t have offered if I wasn’t sure.”  He turned to her.  She raised her eyebrows at him and turned to leave.

          “Wait, I have to grab my bag out of your car.”  I followed after Tara as I passed between Chibs and Juice one of them smacked my ass.  From the cheek I figured it was Chibs, I would have loved to see Juice’s face when he did that. 

          Tara and I walked out to her black Cutlass.  She turned to me as she was about to get into her car, “so Juice is talking to you now, that’s good.  Please tell me he told you what the silence was about earlier.”

          “He did. He told me it was because he wanted to keep his distance from me.  Which I get; it’s unfair of me to let him get close.  I told him, it was a good idea that we kept our distance.  He then told me he didn’t want to.  He kissed me again.  Tara, I don’t know what is wrong with me.  I burn for him.  Fuck, I have only known him for a day and I am completely mad for him.”   I confessed and boy did it feel good.

          A soft smile flashed across Tara’s face. “You need to be honest with him about Liam.  He is going to want to protect you from him but, I am sure you know that already.”

          I did. “He was listening to me on the phone with Liam earlier.  Things are going to be rough when I go back home.  He already thinks I am fucking someone.  I am sure the truth of it is, is that he is.  Which I could care less about.  I know Juice deserves the truth, I will tell him.  I just have to figure out how and when.” I grabbed my bag out of the back of the car.    “I’ll see you later.  Have a good day at work tomorrow.”

          “You have fun going through all that shit your brother collected.”  She laughed at me as she got into her car.

          I went back to the house as Happy was coming out, “Jax wants me to come destroy a safe at your place tomorrow.” He said gruffly. 

          “Alright.  I guess I will see you tomorrow then.  Is there anything that you want me to pick up from the store…beer, coffee…food?” I asked as he started to walk away. 

          “Nah, I’ll be okay.” He said as he got onto his Harley.   I watched him drive off.  He was one person I would not want to get on the wrong side of.  I didn’t think I would ever talk back to him even in gest.   While I stood there in though I felt a hand on the middle of my lower back.

          “Oh Jesus!” I yelped, “You scared me.” It was Juice. 

          “Are you ready to go?”  He asked me. 

          “Yes, just let me go say goodbye to everyone and thank Gemma.”  I walked into the house; Donna and Opie were getting ready to leave as well and Gemma was standing with them.  She was an amazing hostess.   “We are going to leave, Gemma.  Thank you so much for the wonderful meal.  I cannot remember the last time I had such good food.” I hugged her.  

          “You’re welcome.  I may come over tomorrow and help you get that place cleaned.  That is if you would accept my company.”  Gemma offered. 

          “I would love it.  I would really appreciate any help I could get.” I really did appreciate it and it meant a lot to me coming from the Queen.  I turned and walked out the door, Donna and Opie followed, after saying goodbye to Gemma.   Donna grabbed my hand and linked her arm into mine making me walk slower than I was.  Opie passed us but not before putting his hand on my shoulder and saying goodbye to me. 

          “So,” Donna said with curiosity filled her blue eyes. “Thing were awkward at dinner, weren’t they?”

          “I wish I was the only one who noticed that.” I rolled my eyes.

          “Things seem to be better now though, what happened?” She asked as we got closer to Opie and Juice, who were standing near their Harleys.

          “They are better but they are just as complicated. I’ll tell you more tomorrow.” I said to her as we got to the guys.   Juice looked at me and smiled.  Which made me feel all flushed and hot. 

          “Okay. I will be over after I get the kids off to school.” She waved as she climbed on the back of Opie’s bike and strapped on her helmet.

          Juice handed me a helmet and climbed on his bike, I climbed on after him and put my arms around his waist.  Being close to him was so hard for me, I didn’t know how long I could restrain the desire that was growing inside of me.   As I thought that; Juice gave his bike gas and we took off.  He didn’t take me to my brother’s house right away, instead we went for a ride, through the city of Charming and into the lands that surrounded it.  It was exhilarating to be on his bike with him.  It felt like I was flying, my hair blew wildly behind me.   Our ride out of town lasted a good hour before he turned us around to head back to Charming.  When we reached Kip’s house the moon was high in the evening sky.     The evening was cool ride was cool and I wasn’t prepared to ride as long as we did.  I was only wearing a light shirt.  I shivered as I parted from Juice’s warm body and got off the bike. 

          “Thank you for the ride.  I really needed that.” I told him as I took off my helmet and placed it on the motorcycle. I hugged my body trying to keep what heat I still had left with me.

          “No problem.  You can have ride whenever you want.” He grinned. I was sure his words had double meaning.  I wanted to ask him in so badly but didn’t trust myself alone with him.  “You’re cold aren’t you?”

          “A bit. I have been colder.” I thought of my first winter in Belfast, it was such a wet cold, one that chilled you to the bone and you couldn’t seem to get rid of it.   “Would you like to come in?” I asked against my better judgment because I wasn’t ready to say goodbye.

          “Sure.” He took off his helmet and got off of his Harley. 

          As we walked into the house, I turned to him and said, “Let’s get this straight…we will not be having sex.”

          “Really woman! Are you really thinking about that?” He jested. 

          “Ha. Ha.” I said dryly.  “Do you want a beer?  It seems to be the only thing that Kip had in his fridge when he died.” I walked to the fridge and opened it up, looking at the bareness of it; if I was going to stay there I really had to buy groceries.

          “Yeah, I’ll take one.” His voice was in my quiet in my ear. I knew if I turned around I would be face to face with him.  I would be able to look up into his beautiful brown eyes, that made me turn into mush when I looked into them.  I stood there with my back to him, he moved my hair to one side of my neck and kissed the bare side. 

          “Juice, please don’t.” I was barely able to whisper.  How did he know that was my sweet spot?  How did he know I would melt into a puddle at his feet if he kissed my neck softly like that?   He didn’t stop.  “Juice.” I turned to meet his eyes were full of fire and passion.  How could I say no to him, when he made me feel so alive?  I hadn’t felt that way in a least five years.  

          “What?” His voice was full of lust. “Do you want me to stop this?” He kissed my neck again.  I let out a quiet moan.  “It doesn’t seem like you want me to stop.” He did it again then he kissed me.  I was on fire.  Every nerve in my body was raw and sensitive to his touch.  He pulled me against his body, I could feel the growing bulge in his pants.  Nothing good could come of it, my conscience thought loudly.  _You could get him killed if you sleep with him,_ it screamed. 

I pushed him back, breathing heavily I look at him and just said, “I can’t!” I turn away again to try to hide the large tears that are building up in my eyes.

          Juice softly turned my face so I was looking at him; his eyes had changed from raw lust to concern.   “I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have, you set down the rules when we walked in the door and I didn’t listen.  There is just something about you that makes me, senseless.” He took me in his arms and just held me as I cried, large exhausting sobs.  I was emotionally exhausted, too much had happened in too short of time.

          “I don’t want anything to happen to you.” I proclaimed as I wiped the tears from my eyes. 

          “What do you mean?”  Juice frowned at me.

          “I…I…” I falter as I tried to figure out how I to tell him that I was dating a high ranked member of a well-known Northern Irish “club”.  A man who saw me as his property and if he were to find out about Juice…well, it wouldn’t end well. 

          “It’s okay. You don’t need to tell me right now.” He said to me.  “Do you want me to make you tea?”

          I stared at him with utter confusion, why wasn’t he going to push me and why was he offering to make me tea?  I just nodded at him and said, “There is good tea in the cabinet above the stove.”   At least my brother had enough sense to keep good tea in his home.

          “Go sit down on the couch,” He turned to fix my tea.  A few minutes later he arrived with my tea, “Here you go.” Juice sat down next to me and I snuggled into him.  “Feeling better?”

          “A little, thank you.” I looked up at him through my eye lashes. “I am sorry.  Believe me if it wasn’t for Liam, I would have…” I trailed of thinking about how I yearned to be touched like that again.

          “If you don’t love him, you should leave him.” He said like it was that simple.

          “Juice,” I pulled away from him and looked at him straight on. “It is not that easy.  I have been trying leaving him for months now.   I haven’t been strong enough to do it until now. I have to get some things in place before I leave him.”

          “Like what?” Juice questioned as he searched my face.

          I took a deep breath, “Like finding other members of his club that will okay my leaving.  I need to prove that I will not share anything that I have seen in my seven years of being in Belfast.  I could be killed for just walking away and not saying anything.   Anyone who helps me could be killed as well.  Fuck if Liam found out you and I kissed.  I am sure he would…”I shudder at the thought. “He would probably kill you or me or both of us.  I can’t let anything happen to you.” 

          “So go back to Belfast and then come back to me.” He kissed my forehead.  _Oh, sweet, stupid Juice if it were only that easy,_ I thought.  I would most likely end up dead and he probably would too.   


	6. Letting Him In, Letting Him Go

 

_“So I would choose to be with you, that’s if the choice were mine to make. But you make decisions too; and you can have this heart to break.” ~ Billy Joel_

* * *

          I was startled awake by a loud pounding on the front door.  I shot up quickly into a sitting position and looked around with confusion. I couldn’t figure out where I was but then I caught a glimpse of the other body in the bed next to me, Juice.  I asked him not to leave the night before; I liked how safe I felt when he was around.  Another loud impatient knock.  I jumped out of bed and stumbled out into the hall way and to the front door.   There was yet another loud thump which made me wonder if the door would hold up much longer.

          “Fuck, hold on.” I bark as I opened the door to see Happy was standing there with an annoyed look on his face. 

          “It’s about time.” He said as he walked in. “Nice hair.” I felt my hair, there was a large knot on the left side of my head.    

          “Sorry about that I was still sleeping.”  Happy looked at me like I was lying, especially since Juice just walked out of the bedroom in his boxers.

          “Hey, Hap.” He said as he rubbed his head and walked into the bathroom.

          “Hey.  Just sleepin’.” Happy snorted.  “Where’s the safe?”

          “In the back bedroom, in the closet.” I pointed down the hallway before I walked into the kitchen to start some coffee, I needed it and a cold shower after the previous night.   I was digging through one of the drawers to find the coffee scoop and found what I thought could be the key to the safe.  _Really Kip_ , I thought.    “Happy!” I yell as I walk into the bed room to find him aiming a gun at the safe.   “You don’t need to shoot that.  I think I found the key.”  I hand it over to him. 

          “Your brother was a fucking pig.” He replied as he took the key. I wasn’t going to disagree with him as I stood there waiting to see if the key worked; it was a perfect fit.  Happy opened the safe and it was stocked full of guns. 

          “Holy Shit.” I heard from behind me.  “Half Sack was holding out on us.” Juice walked into the room and next to Happy, who both stared at the mecca of guns.   

          “I’ll let you guys go through that and take what the club might want.”  I smiled, there was another knock at the door.  Lord only knew who it could have been.    My assumption was it was Donna or Gemma.   I opened the door and there stood Donna and Gemma. 

          “Hey, come on it.”  I just realized that my hair was a mess and I was still in my pajamas.   “I have to go change and do something with my hair…I’ll be right back.”  I walk back to the room where I had been staying.  I change into a comfortable pair of pants and a t-shirt.   I grab my phone and see that I have a missed call…from Liam.  I listen to my voicemail.

          “Hey.  I am just calling to say I am sorry about last night.  You’re right I was drunk.  You know how I get.  Call me when you get a chance and I get it if you get too busy trying to get your brother’s house cleaned out.  I love you, Ky.  I talk to you soon love.” 

          My heart sank, he sounded like the old Liam.  The one who took me on dates and wooed me.  I sat down on the edge of the bed.  I dial his number,

          “Hello Love.” Liam said from the otherline.

          “Hi,” I said in a whisper.

          “How are things going?”

          “They are going well.  My brother has a lot of shite, it might take me longer to get through it all.  I may be here a bit longer than I thought.”  

          “It’s okay love.  Take your time.”  He said softly like he was talking to a child. 

          “Already, well I better go I have a couple of guys with a bunch of guns in the other room and two women in the living room waiting for coffee.”

          He laughed, it had been ages since I had heard him laugh. “Alright Ky.  I will talk to you later.  I love you.” 

          “Yeah, I know. Cheers.”   I say.  I couldn’t tell him I loved him because well the truth was I didn’t.  I don’t think he cared, he just had me around for looks.   I looked up and saw Juice lounging in the door way. I stood up and walked towards him.  He took me in his arms and hugged me; I fit just right and it felt right.  He pet the side of my head where the huge knot was. 

          “You look like you have sex hair.” He looked down at me and smirked.

          “Yeah, I know.  I am sure that is what everyone is thinking but let them think that.”  I smiled back at him.   “I just talked to Liam.  He was calmer almost too calm.”

          “That’s good right?”  Juice questioned.

          I shrugged, “It could be the silence before the storm.”   I grabbed my brush of the dresser and started to brush out my hair.   I then put it into a ponytail, Juice watched me the whole time.  “We should get out there before they think something is up.”  He laughed and smacked my ass as we walked out the door.  

          The day went quickly, we made lots of progress.  Towards the end of the early afternoon Donna and I were in Kip’s room cleaning it out.   We finally had some time alone.  We talked about what happened the night before between Juice and me.  She told me we made a cute couple. 

          “We aren’t a couple.” I said to her as I crawled under the bed.  There was a box under there that I wanted to get.  As I got close to the box my hand slid against something slippery and rubbery.  I shot out from under the bed with it in my hand. “OH MY GOD!” I screamed as I flung the used condom across the room towards the door which was empty seconds before.  I turn and look and it was sitting on Happy’s foot.   “Oh shite.” I try to hold back my snicker but I just couldn’t. 

          He looked down at his shoe and said, “What the fuck?  You throwing your used condoms at me?”  

          “Not my used condom. Good lord…I wonder how long that’s been under there.”  I gagged slightly as he picked it off of his shoe and walked over to hang it over my head.    “Stay away from with that nasty shite, Happy.” I jumped up quickly and climbed on the bed so I standing higher than him.   He smiled madly.  As he started to swing it back and forth.  “Seriously Happy!” I yelped as I jumped off the bed and took shelter next to Donna.   

          “She ain’t gonna save you.” He had that maniacal smile that scared me, he took another step closer to us.  

          “Hey Kylee, you are going to want to see this.” I hear Juice shout from the living room.  He had been working on opening the files on Kip’s computer.  I took at advantage of Happy looking out of the room to dart out the door. 

          “You’ll only be safe for so long.” He said to me as I ran down the hallway.

          “What do you have for me?” I asked as I sat down on the couch next to Juice and looked at the computer screen.   “What is it?”

          “It’s your brother’s will and bank account information.”  I looked at the numbers on the screen.  “Holy FUCK!” I sat back on the couch.  

          “He left everything to you Ky.”  Kip left me over a hundred thousand dollars in cash funds and there were also IRAs and stocks.   “He set you up.”

          “Well that was nice of him,” I said as I got up off the couch.  I started to feel dizzy and nauseous all of a sudden.  I ran to the bathroom where I vomited the entire contents of my stomach into the toilet.  

          “You okay?”  Juice walked into the doorway as I was putting cool water on my face and neck. 

          “Yeah, I’m fine.”  I look up at him.   “Please don’t tell anyone else about the money.  Things have a way of getting back to Liam.”   

          “No problem.”

          We left it at that.  It was 5:00pm when Happy and Donna left.  Leaving me and Juice alone again.  It wasn’t hard to not think about what happened between the two of us when we were so busy. 

          “Do you want to get some food?” He asked me.  I had been feeling slightly queasy all day, I hadn’t really eaten anything since my stomach pyrotechnics.

          “Sure.” I said weakly as a leaned my head against the back of the couch.

          “You really need to eat more.  You have pecked all day, you’re like a little bird.” Juice was concerned.

          “I haven’t felt good today.  I wonder if I am coming down with something.”  I closed my eyes willing away my upset stomach.

          “Well why don’t I go out and get you some chicken noodle soup and ginger ale.”  He stood up, grabbed his cut and put it on.  “I’ll be back in a little bit.”    He walked out of the house and I heard him drive away.

 I laid down on the couch and snuggled under a blanket; I must have fallen asleep because I woke up to Juice touching my shoulder saying, “Hey sleepy head, your soup is ready.” 

          “Mmm, okay.”  I sat up on the couch and he handed me a bowl of soup.   “Thank you Juice.” I stare at him.

          “What is it? Is your soup not warm enough?”  Juice’s concerned eyes stared back at me.

          “Did your parents really name you Juice?”  I ask him.

          He laughed, “No, it’s Juan Carlos.” 

          “That’s a nice name.” I smiled as I took a bite of my soup.

 Juice kissed my forehead.  “So is Kylee.”  I was so grateful for him.  I couldn’t remember the last time someone took care of me.  

* * *

 

          We finished clearing out my brother’s house in just around three weeks.   I had been sick almost every one of those days.   One of my last days in Charming I was sitting at Jax and Tara’s house and I got sick. 

          “How long have you been getting sick?”  Tara asked me.

          “Um,” how long had it been? “Shite.” I just connected it. 

          “What?” She asked.

          “Tara…I think I might be pregnant.”

          “Juice?” everyone knew that we were close.  I was sure they all thought we were having sex when the truth of the matter was we hadn’t. 

          “No, we haven’t had sex.  It would be Liam’s.”  I frowned at the thought of carrying his child and what it meant.

          “I actually have a test if you want to take it.”  I nodded as Tara walked to the bathroom, I followed her.

          “Good thing I have to pee.” I joked trying to make light of the situation.   Tara handed me the pregnancy test and walked out of the bathroom.  I peed on the little stick, funny how something so insignificant can change your life.   I sat in the bathroom and waited for the test to give me the answer.  And finally there it was the little pink plus sign.   “Fuck.”   I muttered.

          I walked out into the living room where Tara was sitting with her sons, Thomas and Abel.  She looked at me and I started to sob; my dreams of living in Charming were shattering in front of me. There was no way I could ever be with Juice, not when I was going to have Liam’s child.

          “How am I going to leave Liam now? He’ll ever let me leave, especially since I am going to have his baby.”  I sobbed as I sat on the couch and put my face in my hands.    

          “It’s okay.  Everything will work out.”  Tara rubbed my back trying to comfort me but I couldn’t find comfort.

          “How am I going to tell Juice?” I asked tearfully.

          “You’ll figure it out.  We’ll be here to support you, no matter what happens.” 

          Thankfully the SAMCRO was on a run and would be back my last day in Charming.  I had a red eye flight out of California to New York and then a flight straight to Belfast.    I woke up early my last day in Charming.  I don’t know it was my nerves or if I was going to be sick.  Stupid baby was kicking my ass.    I had everything packed and ready to go and sitting by the door.  I decided not to sell Kip’s house and to keep it around for the club.   It was the least I could do for them.   There was a knock at my door.  I got up and answered it.  It was Juice.

          “Hey, you’re here early.” I hadn’t realized he would be back so soon.

 “Just got back and I thought I would come spend the day with you.”  He smiled at me and took me into his arms.  “Fuck, I’ve missed you.  I hate to think about what it is going to be like here without you. Well at least only for a few months right?” He said hopefulness oozed out of him in waves.

I smiled back weakly.  How could I tell him?  I looked up at him and kissed him passionately.  I didn’t want to lose Juice; I wanted to be with him.    “Love me, Juice.”  I told him.

Juice kissed me fervently as he picked me up and carried me to the bedroom; never allowing his lips to move from mine.   He placed me on the bed and took off his kutt and his shirt.  Holy shit… that man had abs I could’ve wash clothes on.  

Juice kissed me gently, “Are you sure?” He asked.

“Yes.” It’s not like I could get pregnant again.  

He was so gentle with me, something I hadn’t been accustom to, and Liam was rough and quick, he took, Juice gave.  Juice made sure I was comfortable and felt loved.   Most of our morning consisted of having passionate sex.  By the end I was exhausted and I snuggled into Juice’s arms.  

“I love you, Kylee.” I heard him whisper as I drifted off to sleep.  

The next think I knew I was being rudely awaken by Juice’s phone ringing. 

“Yeah.  Okay.  Yeah, I’m with her right now.  We’ll be there shortly.”  He said to the person on the other line.  “Jax wants us at the club house.”  Juice kissed my forehead as he got out of bed.  I smiled as I watched him dress, his glorious body had been all mine for the whole morning.

I showered and dressed in a maxi dress, which turned out to be a not so good choice to wear on the back of a motorcycle.   But I survived.  We got the club house and it was full of people. 

“What is this?”  I asked Juice.

“Your going away party.” Juice smiled and kissed my hand.   My going away party.  Only he didn’t know how long I would really be gone.  It was more like my goodbye forever party.

“Wow, thanks.  Hey can we talk?” I asked him as Chibs came up and grabbed me from behind and swung me around, making my already upset stomach more nauseous.    The time that Juice and I had alone was not going to be now.  

“Hi Chibs.” I fought back my urge to vomit as he put me down.

“Going back to your mick lover huh?” Chibs jested.

“Shut up.”  Was all I could say.

“Come have a drink with me love.” He pulled me towards the club house and away from Juice. 

“I am not in the mood for a drink.  I’ll have a soda or a water, I don’t like to drink before I fly.”   I lied, I would have rather have been three-sheets to the wind before leaving for Belfast.

“Oh, love being drunk while flying is the only way I go.” He laughed as we walked into the club house. 

  
          After talking with him and Opie for a while I decided I needed fine Juice and tell him the truth. I would be leaving in a few hours and I owned him the truth.  I saw Tara she nodded at me as if to encourage me.   I found Juice sitting by Happy and Tig. 

“Do you mind if I borrow him for a few minutes?” I ask them.

“Juicy going to get lucky?” I heard Tig snicker as we made our way out of the clubhouse.

We walked out to the boxing ring and sat on the edge together.  I twisted my hands together, my stomach was in knots.  I looked at Juice and he smiled at me. 

“I have something I need to tell you.” Fuck…it was happening.  How could I tell this man I had fallen so madly in love with that I was pregnant and I wouldn’t be coming back?  How could I be giving up everything I wanted so badly?   I sat there quietly for a few moments.

Juice took my hand into his, “it’s okay Kylee.  Tell me.” 

“It’s not okay Juice.  Nothing is okay.”  I said as tears started falling down my face. 

“Fuck tell me you’re scaring me.”   His words came out in a growl.

“Juice, I’m pregnant.”

 Juice looked at me with a confused look on his beautiful face. “But we just…”

“It’s Liam’s…” I looked at him, his eyes were hooded with anger and pain.  “I didn’t know, until a few days ago.  I should have realized, I have been so sick in the mornings.  I just didn’t connect the dots until Tara said something to me.” 

“What does this mean?” Juice asked me with panic in his voice.

“I won’t be coming back, Juice.” I couldn’t look at him when I said that.  “He won’t let me when he finds out I am pregnant.” 

“Don’t tell him, stay here.  Please.” He pleaded with me.  “I love you.”

“I love you too.” I finally admitted.  “But I can’t.  If Liam were to find out I was pregnant, I didn’t tell him and I had the baby here.  He would wipe us out.  I cannot let that happen.”  I wouldn’t let it happen, I cared for Juice too much.  I would’ve given up everything to keep him safe.

Juice said nothing. He just stood up, ran his hands over his head and walked away.  He just walked away.  I didn’t see him for the rest of the time I was at the party.  Chibs ended up offering to give me a ride to the airport.  As we were walking out of the club house, I saw that back of Juice’s head on the other side of the boxing ring. 

“Give me a second Chibs.”  I touched his shoulder.    

“No problem darlin’.” Chibs nodded as he made his way to the car.

I walked towards him, “Juice?” I said as I turned the corner and I saw her, Ima, between Juice’s legs giving him a blowjob.  He looked at me with panic. 

“Fuck.” He said as he pushed her away trying to pull up his pants. 

“Can’t you see he is a little busy, sweetie?”  Ima spit at me, her voice was like nails on a chalkboard.

“Fuck you!” I spit back, as turn to walk away; Juice grabbed my arm I tried to pull away.   “Let go of me, you fucking bastard.”  He still wouldn’t let go so punched him right in the jaw.

“What the fuck?” He said as I ran off to Chibs, who was waiting in the car for me.  Juice was right behind me.  “You’re the one who is never coming back!” he shouted at me. “You’re the one who got knocked up by your abusive boyfriend in Ireland.”

“Thanks for rubbing that in my face. At least you could have waited until I was gone to get your dick sucked by that whore.  Now go back to your porn slut because   you just made my leaving a whole lot easier, asshole.” I yelled as I got into the car and turned to Chibs. “Go please.”  I started to cry.  I cried for Juice, I cried for the love that I lost, I cried for the baby growing in my womb who never had a chance of having a normal life.    Leaving Charming right now was the best thing for me.  I don’t think I would ever be able to look Juice in the eyes again.

“You okay love?”  Chibs asked after we had been driving a while.

“I’m fine.” I sniffled as wiped away the tears from my eyes. I was resolved  to never to cry for Charming again.

 


	7. With My Last Breath

_“I don’t want you save me.  I want you to stand by my side as I save myself.”  
 ~Ale Morales_

* * *

 

           It was a cool and rainy day in Belfast, but come to think about it when wasn’t it cool and rainy in Belfast.  I missed the sun and the warmth it made me feel; who was I kidding, I missed Charming.   I had thought about my Charming family and Juice every day I had been back.  It had been three months since I had left them and the sting of Juice’s betrayal with Ima still burned me deeply.  I would find myself starting to cry when I thought about it.   Thankfully Liam had never been around when one of those moment stuck me has hard as a speeding truck.   The truth of it was Juice broke my heart, worse than Liam ever could have.  I didn’t understand how one moment he was telling me he loved me and the next he was letting some whore go down on him and all the while I was still around. It was as if he wanted me to see it going on. Was that his way of pushing me away?  Or was that his way of showing me that I was the one who betrayed him by never coming back?  None the less, I was heartbroken over the whole thing still.  How could one man, who I had only known mere weeks hold such an effect over me and I still wanted to beat Ima senseless.  Stupid whore.

          “Earth to Kylee,” I was pulled out of my thoughts and looked up to find Trinity was hovering above me.  “You okay?  Do you need anything?” She was like a mother hen since I had been back.  Making sure I was comfortable and taken care of properly. 

          “Oh no, I am okay.  I was just thinking.”  I glanced at the time.  “Shite Jonah is probably outside waiting; he is going to be so pissed that I wasn’t downstairs waiting for him at 7.” I jump up too quickly to grab my bag.  My body ached, a reminder.   “I’ll see you when I can get away again.”  I hugged her and ran out the door and down the stairs of her flat.  That’s when I see him…Jax, he still looked like a blonde haired god.  What the hell is he doing in Belfast?  I got to the bottom of the stairs and instead of going to the car that is idling to my left, I walked over to Jax.   “Jax?”

          “Hey darlin’.” He responded like it wasn’t some big of a deal that he was in Belfast.   We both turned and looked at the club house doors, the same time as the club house door where Happy, Chibs, Opie, Tig and Juice all came out. 

          “What are you guys doing here?” I asked, I had often dreamed they would show up but I never thought it would be true.

          “Here on club business.  Have to meet with a few Irish members.  Belfast Charter is our home for our visit.”  He smiled, I didn’t smile back.  Truth of the matter was I miserable, I rarely had the energy to pull myself out of bed in the morning. 

          Chibs walked up and pulled me in his arms.  “Hello love.  How are you?  How is the wee one?”  He touched my stomach, I wanted to flinch at the gentleness of his touch.  Jonah honked the horn impatiently.   I look back at the black car that was waiting for me; I was sure that I had already pissed him off enough that I was going to pay.  Jonah was not my favorite person in the world.  He told Liam everything I did.  He was one of Liam’s most trusted men.    I looked back at the men who I considered my family for a short time and could feel Juice’s gaze burning me.  I glanced at him quickly then turned back towards Chibs and Jax.

          “I have to go.”  I said as I turned and walked away.  How could I have been so cold towards them?   They were the sunshine I needed, I felt their warmth covering my body.  I wanted nothing more than to run back to them and bask in that feeling a few more minutes longer.  But I didn’t.  I knew Liam was already impatiently waiting for Jonah’s phone call to say he had me and that we were returning to the compound. 

          “It’s about time.” Jonah growled at me as I got into the back seat of the car.  I would have liked to hand him over to Happy.  I was sure his body would be unrecognizable when he was done.  I smiled at the thought. “What are you smiling at?”  Jonah asked as he glared at me in the mirror.

          “Nothing.” I was short as I replayed the whole situation over in my head again.   I disliked Jonah the most out of all Liam’s associates.  He was ruthless and followed anything the Liam said.  I am sure that if I wouldn’t have went back to the car when I did Jonah would have come and pointed a gun at me to get me moving.  It wouldn’t have been the first time in the last few months.  Jonah had beady, gray eyes that were cold, they lacked any compassion or feelings for that matter.  His only redeeming quality in his looks was his golden blonde hair.  When I first met him it was a messy array on his head, now he shaved it.  I am sure that made him feel more intimidating.   If I had my choice between meeting Happy in a dark alley or Jonah….I would have chosen Happy.  At least he would possibly show me some compassion even though he had no mercy for his enemies.  Jonah lacked kindness.  I think that is why Liam like him so much.  He could send him out on a hit and he wouldn’t fall apart; hell, he didn’t care, killing a person was just like waking up in the morning for him. 

          The rest of the ride back to the compound was quiet.  I kept seeing Juice’s face when he saw me.  Surprise and happiness, maybe some relief in there.  Sure I missed him, but I didn’t know how I to handle everything with him, because of the whole Ima business.   If I ever got out of Belfast and back to Charming; I guess, I would deal with that then.   The car came to a halt and I got out before Jonah turned it off.  The walls that surrounded the house were tall and always reminded me of being in a compound.  I am sure that was the purpose of them.   The house itself was rather large by Irish standards, I would have considered it a manor estate. 

          I was about to go in when the door burst open. “Where have you been?” Liam snarled at me, then looked at Jonah with annoyance.

          “She took her own sweet time getting out of Trinity’s and then she went to go talk to some of the Sons.  I didn’t recognize them though.” He said point blank to Liam.   Stupid Jonah.  Now Liam is going to find out that SAMCRO was in Belfast for a visit.

          “Really?”  He turned to me, there was always so much anger in his lovely green eyes.  I missed the days when I looked at him and all I saw was a future full of love.  Now, I saw nothing more than hate.  “Do you want to tell me what he is talking about?” His tone was cool and quiet but stern.  I felt like a child whose parent was asking them who ate the last cookie. 

          “Not really.” I reply as I started towards my room. 

          “You will tell me!  NOW!!” Liam yelled.  I turned to look at him.  His brown hair was unruly he looked like a little boy who was about to throw a major temper tantrum.  I glared at him. He knew how much I detested him.  He kept me and locked me away anyway. 

          “Why should I tell you, Liam?”  I shot back.  My bravery wavered as he walked up to me and towered over me.

          “Tell me.” He shoved me against the wall and grabbed my arms tightly.  

          I twisted under his grip and glared back at him.  He pushed me harder into the wall, so hard I knocked my head against it but I refused to say a word. “I take it from your silence that Charming is here.  You probably have known the whole time that they would be coming.  Do you think they are going to take you away with them? Do you think that they would want to bring you with them, you stupid whore.”

          I wanted nothing more than to spit in his face and grab his balls and squeeze them until they popped.  I hated this man more than anything I had ever disliked before.  I felt violent towards him; there had been times when we were walking down the stairs and I would have the urge to just shove him.   Liam shoved me at Jonah. 

          “Put her in her room.” Jonah grabbed my arm.

          “Get your hands off of me.” I struggled to get away, “I know where my room is and I can make it there myself.  Or are you worried I will get lost along the way?” I shot back at Liam. “After all, all I am is a stupid whore.  Maybe I should start acting like one!” 

          I got to my room where unknown to Liam, I had a prepaid cell phone hidden.  Seamus had given it to me; he told me to call whenever I needed him.   I dialed his number.

          “Aye?” Seamus’ voice was clear on the other side of the phone.

          “It’s me.” I whisper

          “Is it bad love?” He questioned, but he already knew the answer.

          “I want out.” I told him, “SAMCO is here and I want to leave with them.  I don’t know how long they are going to be here or when they are leaving.” 

          “I will find out and we’ll get you out of there.” Seamus promised.

          “Thanks Seamus.” I welled up. 

          “Anything for you love.” He hung up.  We kept the calls short when I did talk to him.  We didn’t need Liam to walk in and find out our plan. 

          It would be several days before I heard from Seamus again. It was rather quiet around the compound.  I pretty much stayed in my room which I felt was my haven of safety.  Liam never came in there anymore and the maids brought me my food, so I was okay.  Then when I finally heard from Seamus it was in a text. 

          _Be ready by 7pm.  XO, Seamus_

          I had already packed a bag with some of my favorite clothes and shoes.  I knew I could purchase more when I got to Charming.  I just needed to get out of there.  I needed to feel safe again and comfortable in my own skin again.  I hated myself for allowing Liam to treat me the way he had for so long.  I was just a shell of the girl who had returned from Charming.  

          Seven o’clock came and I was sitting up front near the entry way when Seamus came in.  He took my bag just as Liam walked into the house with a few of his “business” associates.  

          “Hello Seamus.” Liam said as he glared at me.  I am sure he was surprised to see his older brother.  “What are you doing here?”

          “Oh, I thought I would get the little lady out of the house.  We’re going to go out of town for a few days.  I am sure the fresh air will do her some good; she looks paler than normal.” Seamus touched my cheek gently.

          Liam never disrespected his older brother, he always held him in high regard.  He was higher ranking than Liam was, he knew if he said the wrong thing Seamus could have wiped out his empire he had been building for himself. 

          “Okay. See you soon love.” Liam kissed my cheek.  I said nothing.  I wiped his kiss off my cheek like a disrespectful child and walked out the door with Seamus. 

          The drive back to SAMBEL’s clubhouse seemed to take forever.  I didn’t know if was my excitement for freedom or the truth that I needed to tell them that made it feel like we were crawling along.  When we finally got there it was quiet.  I prayed that they hadn’t already left; not that I couldn’t have flown to Charming on my own.  I just wanted to feel safe doing it.  I took a deep breath as I got out of the car and hoped I was walking towards my future. 

          Seamus and I walked into the club house and I saw the back of Trinity’s head and heard Juice’s voice, so full of sorrow. “She was probably cold because of what I did to her in Charming.  I fucked up and I know it.  She is probably still pissed about that.”

          “Don’t give yourself that much credit, Juice.” I said as I came into view.  “You’re not the reason I was cold; Belfast can do that to a person.”    Trinity grabbed my hand when I reached her side.  I whispered in her ear, “I am going to tell them.”  She looked up at me with concern knowing the pain that I had been baring.   All the guys were there as I grabbed the hem of my shirt and started to slowly lift it up revealing the deep purple and yellow bruises that covered my abdomen and ribs.

          “What the fuck?” Is all I heard, I didn’t know who said it could have been all of them for all I knew.  I hadn’t shown anyone but Trinity my bruises.  “I’ll kill him.” I made out one voice and it belonged to Seamus.   

 I was taken back to the day that it happened as I glanced down at my bruises _.   I was out with Trinity and Kerrie, we were shopping for the baby.   I got back with loads of goodies.  I walked into the house to find Liam and his goons waiting for me._

_“Hello Liam.” I smiled with my arms filled with bags full of baby stuff.    He did not return the smile._

_“Who is Juice?” He asked me.  I hadn’t mentioned Juice in his presence, I only talked with Trinity and Kerrie.  I knew that they would never had told him anything._

_“Don’t you mean what is juice?” I asked, knowing damn well what he meant._

_“No! WHO!” He snarled.  As he pushed me towards the dining room.  Shite, I thought, I forgot to put my computer away.  I had received an email from Tara earlier that day, she was wondering how things were going.  She also told me all about how Juice had been moping around since the night I left. When they had talked she mentioned that he was extremely upset about how he left things with me._

_“It doesn’t matter who Juice is.” I replied, “I came back to you, shouldn’t that count?”_

_“The baby is his isn’t it?” He was so angry; I had never seen him that irate before._

_“No Liam, the baby is yours.” I pleaded. I knew nothing good was going to happen._

_“You lying whore, it is his.  You were fucking him the whole time you were there!” He threw me against the table and I fell to the ground spilling baby things everywhere.   “That is fine, that thing growing inside of you will never meet its father!”_

_I tried to curl up in a ball, I was successful blocking the first few blows with defense of my own, but then Liam’s associates came and grabbed my arms and legs.  I remember the first few blows one was from Liam and the other was from Jonah.  I screamed and struggled to get away.  I begged them to stop, telling them that it was Liam’s baby.  I finally blacked out.  I remembered waking up in the hospital alone and with only one heart monitor beeping. Mine._

“They killed the baby.” I said.  I told them the story about what happened.  They all sat there in silence.  I couldn’t look at any of them so I stared at the small cigarette burn in the gray carpeting.   “I guess in a way it was a blessing.  I no longer have any ties to him.”    Seamus muttered something unintelligible about how he was going to rip his brother limb for limb, then he stormed out of the club house.  I sat down on the arm of the chair where Trinity was sitting.  “I want to come back to Charming if you guys will take me back with you.” I looked up at the faces of the six men who I had just revealed my deepest and most shameful secret.  I thought about what Kip would have done if he was there.  I do not doubt he would have killed Liam himself.    Their faces were a mixture of concern and anger.  I saw something crazy in Happy’s face.  It was same face I saw in my imagination when he beat Jonah to a pulp.  

Juice walked up to me and took my hands into his hands and kissed them.  He made my stomach jump and the butterflies jumped into action.   “You need to come home.” He said quietly.  Home.  It sounded so right.  I stood up and let Juice take me into his arms and embrace me.  This was my home, I thought.  If I had to go through all the pain and loss for that one moment, it was totally worth it.  He kissed my forehead and turned towards Jax and the other club members.  “You all know what I think. And I am sure I know what you think too.”

“Come home, so I can give you shit.” Happy said. 

“Ah, Hap did you miss me?” I was slightly shocked.

“I am not admitting to anything.  But there is a used condom with your name on it sitting somewhere in the clubhouse.  I had the prospects save one they found.”

“Gross!” I gagged. 

Jax looked at me, “I think we all agree that you need to come home.  That is really the reason why we came here.  Trinity called me and told me you were in trouble. We didn’t hesitate, we were on the next plane.”    I looked at Trinity, she really was my best friend.  

“Thank you, Triny.” I took her hand in mine.

“We’ve got trouble outside.” Seamus walked quickly back into the clubhouse.  “Liam is here with Jonah.” 

The guys all tensed up and then stood up and put their hands on their guns.   “Please just wait.” I said.  I turned towards the door waiting for the storm to come.    In they walked full of their normal brute. 

“I knew you would be here.” Liam said his voice was full of venom.  “Do you really think I would let you leave that easily?”  He tried to grab my arm but I back away right into Juice, put his arms around me defensively.  “So this must be the man who fucked my girl and got her pregnant.” He looked pointedly at Juice. 

“You got your story all wrong.  The baby was yours, we had sex after she found out she was pregnant.” He shot back.  Damn you, Juice, I though.    

“I knew you were a slut.”   He shouted at me.

“Really!  Really?” I yelled back.  I pushed Juice away and walked up to Liam.  “Why do you even care?  You killed everything we ever had!  I haven’t loved you in over a year.  Why do you want me here still?”

He looked at me like he was considering why he wanted me there still. “You’re mine.”   He grabbed my arm to pull me away.  “I do whatever I want with what is mine.” He started to grab his gun from its holster that was under his arm.  I could tell that there were other guns being pulled at the same time from Jonah’s reaction.  I hit Liam in the fold of his arm and was able to grab his gun from him.  I pointed it at him.  “What are you going to do little girl? Do you really think that you would be able to shoot me?” 

“You? No.  Him?” I turned to Jonah and pointed the gun at him, “Yes.” I pulled the trigger and shot Jonah, I was aiming for his chest but hit him in the shoulder.  I wasn’t that great of an aim.

“ARG,” he screamed out as he dropped his gun. “You fucking bitch.” He tried to grab his gun that he had dropped. It was too late Happy and Tig were standing over him with guns pointed at him.     Liam looked at me in disbelief.

“What?” I ask him. “Did you not think I had it in me? You would be surprised what being beat up and treated like shit will do to a girl. You’re going to let me go live my life and be happy.”  I handed the gun over to Juice, who stood behind me tensely as I stepped towards Liam.    “Do you remember when we met?” I asked him.

He looked at me some softness came back into his eyes, something I hadn’t seen in months.  “How could I?”

“Do you remember what you told me?” He shook his head. “You told me you wanted me to always be happy.  Liam I haven’t been happy with you for a long time. You are no longer the man that I fell in love with.   You haven’t been that man for a long time.  Just let me go.”  I said. 

“He’ll let you go.” Seamus looked intentionally at Liam.  “HE has some justice to deal with.”   Seamus pushed his brother in the shoulder and out the door.  Tig and Happy took Jonah outside with him.  I didn’t hear any more gun shots which meant Seamus would see retribution would be carried through with him a well. 

“Could it really have been that easy?” I said out loud as I collapsed on a chair.  “Am I really free to go?”  Relief flooded over me.  I started to laugh.  “Holy fuck, I need a drink.” 

Juice went into the kitchen of the clubhouse and came back with a bottle of whiskey.  “Here.” He handed me the bottle and I took a long drink out of it.  The light brown liquid filled me with warmth.  

“So when are we going home?”  I asked him. 

“Tomorrow morning. We were going to leave without you.  You seemed like you didn’t want us here.”  Chibs replied.   

“I’m sorry about that.  I have been so unhappy since I left Charming.” I looked at Juice. 

“About that.” Juice said. I could tell he was going to go into a long apology.

“Shut up Juice.  Not tonight.  Too much has happened tonight, let’s just pretend for one night that didn’t happen.”  I snuggled up close to him.  “Hey Hap.”  I turned to him, he had returned and was sitting at one of the table with Opie and a few of the Sons from the Belfast Charter, they were talking a drinking beers.

“Yeah.” He twisted in his seat and looked at me.

“You should know I am one hell of a shot.” I said with a wink, he didn’t need to know that I was aiming for Jonah’s chest and not his shoulder.

“I’ll keep that in mind and always make a prospect do my dirty work when it comes to you.” Happy joked.

I smiled he was like an older brother to me now.  Come to think about it they were all like my brothers, all of them but Juice.   How could I have ever thought that Belfast was my home, when my home should have always been Charming.  The place where I was welcomed from the start as a daughter, friend and lover.    My thoughts then went to Trinity and Kerrie, how could I dismiss their friendship and loyalty?  They had been there with me through the hardest times in my life.  They were two of the most amazing people I had ever met.  I would be sad to be leaving them.    I yawned and stretched my ribcage still twinged in places.  I grabbed my side.

“Are you okay?” Juice’s brown eyes were full of concern. 

“I’m fine, occasionally my ribs hurt.  I was told they broke two on each side so it takes time to heal. I am tired though.  It’s been a long day and I just want it to end.”

“You can take my bed.” Opie offered. “I’ll sleep on the couch.”

“Thanks Op.”  I grabbed my bag from the floor, I glanced at the blood stain on the rug next to it.  I shuttered at the thought of shooting at another living being again.   I just hated that man so much, I never thought I would dislike someone the way I disliked Jonah.   I knew if I didn’t do something I would have been the one with the bullet in my head.   I walked down the hall to the bathroom, I wanted to brush my teeth and wash my face.  There as a knock on the bathroom door, it was Juice. 

“I told Opie not to worry about giving up his bed because you could sleep with me tonight. I just want to hold you.” He gave me a slight smile.  “Even if it’s just for one night.”  He extended his hand to me and I took it. I followed him to the bedroom he was staying in.   He sat down on the bed and I took of my pants and put on my yoga pants for pajama bottoms.  Even though he had seen me naked before I was self-conscious around him.  I was excruciatingly aware of the bruises on my body.   I started to lift up my shirt and change into one more comfortable when I felt his lips on my stomach.  “I am so sorry that this has happened to you.  If I could take away the pain you have suffered I would.”  I just looked at him.   I loved him with every fiber of my being.  I couldn’t find it in me to tell him at that moment so I showed him.  I kissed him with passion and wanting.    When we parted I finished changing and climbed into bed next to Juice.  For the first time in months I knew I would get a goodnight sleep.

  


             


	8. Homeward Bound

 

“In three words I can sum up everything I’ve learned about life: it goes on.”  
  ~ Robert Frost.

 

* * *

 

          I rolled over in the small twin bed and saw his beautiful face.  Juice looked so peaceful in his sleep; his eyelids fluttered slightly as if he were dreaming.   What a way to wake up in the morning, I thought to myself.   I nuzzled closer to Juice and put my head on his bare chest and listened to the steady thump of his heartbeat.   Juice’s breathing changed slightly, I knew immediately he was waking up.  I looked up at him and placed my chin on his chest.

          “Good morning beautiful.” He smiled at me and took my hand into his.  I smiled back.  I could get use to this, I thought.  I felt happy and safe for the first time in a very long time.   “How did you sleep?” He asked as he placed my hand against his lips.   

“I slept really well.  I am looking forward to getting out of Belfast today and putting all this behind me.  Behind us.” I leaned up and kissed him.  I started to pull away but Juice tugged me into him.  He kissed me again this time it was deeper and more passionate.  

 “Let’s stay in bed a bit longer.” Juice had desire burning deep in his brown eyes. 

          “Mmm, that sounds nice.” I replied as I kissed his chest.   He rolled me on to my back; he was hovering over me.   The muscles in his arms rippled as he held his own weight being careful not to crush me.   I missed looking into his eyes. I missed feeling his lips on mine.  I didn’t know that I could hold the whole Ima thing against him, I mean I thought I was leaving him forever.  I had also just told him that I was pregnant with another man’s baby.  We just felt so right, it was like we fit together perfectly.  It was as if we were made for each other from day one.  Juice started to kiss my neck and all my concerns were whisked away as I melted into a puddle of mush.  I moaned with pleasure, I hadn’t felt that good in a very long time.  Hell, I hadn’t felt that good since I had been with him the last.

          “That is what I want to hear.” He his voice thick with lust.  He pulled up my shirt and started kissing my bruises one by one slowly moving my shirt higher and higher until I was completely shirtless.  He started to work on my pants when there was a knock on the door.  Juice sighed.  Thwarted, I thought.  We both looked at the door like to children caught in some naughty act.  Wait, we were caught in a compromising position.  I was grateful the person on the other side of the door a respectful enough not to just barge in.

          “Rise and shine, we need to get on the move.” It took me a second to place the voice to Jax. 

          “We’re up, thanks.” Juice replied as he kissed my forehead as he rolled back over onto his side of the bed, leaving me shirtless and cold on my side.  “I guess we’ll have to finish this later.” He smirked.

          “Will we now?” I raised my eyebrow challenging him, as I sat up in the bed.  I didn’t see the need of putting my shirt back on since I was going to change anyway.   I caught a glimpse of my bruised skin in the mirror and stopped, I had avoided mirrors over the last few weeks that I didn’t really understand the extent of my injuries.  I had bruising under my right arm near my breast all the way down to my thigh.  That must have been the side that was facing up I considered as I studies my bruises.  I turned to look at myself full on in the mirror and I could see some of the smaller bruises were fading to nasty yellow color.  Soon I thought all I will be left with is just the memory and nothing more.  I looked up in the mirror to see Juice watching me.  “I haven’t been able to bring myself to look in a mirror since it happened.”  I told him.

          “They’ll fade.  I think you look beautiful no matter what.” He pulled his shirt over his head.  I grabbed clothes out of my bag and got dressed.  My favorite traveling clothes I thought as I pulled out a gray vintage t-shirt, the cotton was soft, even after all the years of wear and a pair of jeans. I wasn’t worried about make-up, it would get messed up on the airplane.  I put my hair into a low setting messy bun and turned to Juice who was still tying his shoes.

          “Juan Carlos, you take longer to get ready then me.”  I jested. 

          “Some of us have boners to contend with.” He said as he stood up and there was a bulge in his pants. 

          I gazed at him for a second, I couldn’t understand why he was still so turned on.  Then I realized I had been standing half nude in the mirror when I was looking at the bruises and that was all I could see, he was seeing me and not the discoloration of my skin.   I grinned at him, then walked up and kissed him. 

          “You’re an evil woman.” He joked as he grabbed my bag off the floor.  I didn’t know if it was for cover or he was just being a gentleman.  It was probably both.   We walked down the hall to the main room of the clubhouse.  Trinity was talking to Opie and Jax and Kerrianne was in the arms of her da.  I loved those two woman so deeply.  I felt the pain of losing them hit me hard in the chest, it took my breath away.

          “Trin,” I whimpered, realizing that I was leaving my best friend and didn’t know when I would see her again.  She had been one of the first people to accept me in Belfast.  I would forever be grateful for her acceptance and unbending friendship.

          “Oh, lovey.” She ran up to me and we embraced me as tears flowed freely down our cheeks.  Kerri released her da and made her way to us and wrapped her arms around us both.  Trinity and I, each took hold of Kerrianne, our circle was complete. 

          “I am going to miss you both so very, very much!” I exclaimed as I freed them from my embrace.  We had been inseparable since the first day, I moved to Belfast; we were instant friends.   “Promise me, you will come to Charming to visit me.” 

          “Of course.” They said in unison. 

          Trinity looked directly at Juice and threatened, “You better be good to our girl.  Or there will be hell to pay.”  I knew that Trin’s threat was not idle and she would make sure that Juice paid if anything happened to me; that was the sort of friend that she was.

          “You have nothing to worry about.” Juice looked at me, then back at Trinity.  The look on Trin’s face made me think she didn’t believe him.

          “I had words with the other members and they will give you the Liam treatment if even u hair is slightly askew because of you.”  I knew exactly what that meant.  I knew Seamus hadn’t let his brother or Jonah see the light of the day.  They had taken their last breaths sometime over the night, while I was sleeping peacefully in the arms of the man I loved.

          One of the members of the Belfast charter walked into the clubhouse and yelled, “Time to go!” They would escort us out of the city limits and we would travel the rest of the way to the airport on our own.  A newspaper that was discarded on one of the tables caught my eye.

**_TWO MEN FOUND DEAD, THIS MORNING_ **

          The photo was of Liam and Jonah.  They were sitting up against a fence, each had blood dripping from a wound to the head; I could only assume that they had been shot.   Relief washed over me in waves, I let out a quiet sob but contained the tears that were threatening to spill out of my eyes.  I would never have to worry about Liam deciding he needed to get revenge or have him think he needed to get me back. 

          I handed the paper to Juice, who quickly glanced at it; “Good.” Was all he said as he tossed the paper back on the table and took my hand into his.  There was no sound of sympathy or compassion in his voice or in his actions.  As much as I hated the fact that my freedom came down to Liam’s death, I couldn’t help but savior the liberation.

          We walked outside to a day that was actually sunny and warm.  It was much like my outlook on my future, but I was sad to leave Northern Ireland on a day where the sun shone brightly and there wasn’t a cloud in the sky.  Those were the days I use to look forward to; the days when I would spend all day basking and worshiping the sun.  I shouldn’t have felt sad; I would have more sun than rain in Charming.  I would have way more warmth and happiness than I had in years.   Juice handed me a helmet and I climbed on the back of his motorcycle.  I glanced back at my best friends and the SAMBEL clubhouse one last time before adjusting myself against Juice.

          “Bye Ky!” Trinity yelled.   I turned to see Kerrianne and Trin waving at me, I waved back and blew them a kiss.  I knew our paths would cross again, we didn’t meet in this life to never have our paths cross again.   I loved them like sisters, hell they were my sisters.  

          I turned around as Juice kicked his bike to life.  I grabbed on to my new life tightly as we drove away into the Northern Irish countryside.  It was relaxing riding through the north on the back of the bike.  I cherished my memories, I had made in Ireland and Belfast but it was now time for a new chapter in my life.

           We arrived at the airport about two hours after we set out from the Belfast clubhouse.  The club had arranged a flight out of a small town Irish town, where Elliott Oswald’s freight plane was waiting to take SAMCRO home.   A flight that would take me home.   I thought about all the hoops that the Sons must have had to jump through to get me back to Charming.  I couldn’t help but smiled at the thought of how much they care about me; I wasn’t even their flesh and blood but they treated me as if I were.   They didn’t know how much I appreciated them at the very moment.  They really did save me.   

          Juice pulled his bike to a halt next to Happy’s bike.  Happy was already taking off his helmet and getting off of his bike before we had settled into our spot.                        

          “Are you ready to go home?” Juice asked me as he helped me off of his motorcycle. 

          “Home. It’s such a lovely word.” I smiled at him and nodded, “yes, yes I am.”   I looked over at Happy, who was looking sort of upset…that is if Happy could have ever looked distressed. “What’s wrong Happy?” I asked as I walked towards him, he glanced over at me.

          “I wish I could have been the one, who had killed them.” He had a crazed look in his eyes. The one that would have normally scared me, but as I got to know Happy I knew that it meant for me.  Plus, I had just tolerated Jonah’s glares which could have rivaled Happy’s. 

          “Don’t worry Hap, you did kill them plenty of times, in my imagination.  I had a great fantasy of you maiming and killing Jonah.  He was unrecognizable after you got done with him.” I grinned remembering my day-dream.

          “Good!” He smirked at me. “At least I could help you that way. I feel helpless when it comes to what happened to you and the baby.” Happy’s steely frown returned and his brown eyes clouded over again.  

          He had shown me his caring maybe almost vulnerable side for one split second; I never expected it, but none the less appreciated.  “There is nothing anyone could have done.  Everything happens for a reason, Hap. Liam would never had let me leave if I was still carrying his child.  Your being here right now means more than you could ever know.”    I touched his arm gently and smiled up at him.   Happy responded with a solemn nod.

          “Let’s get out of here.” Jax called.  As he kicked his Harley to life and rode it up the airplane’s cargo hatch. 

          Juice had asked me if I wanted to ride up with him but I chose to walk up instead.   I felt safer that way.   I overheard Jax say, we would be in California in about 10 hours give or take, depending upon head winds.   I was looking forward to seeing Tara, Gemma and Donna, however I was especially excited to being alone with Juice.  We needed to talk about the whole Ima thing, but at that point I wasn’t really in the mood to discuss that gash.   I wanted a new start with him and bring her up would only bring up the past.

          Finally, the clubs’ motorcycles were loaded and secured. The guys went to great lengths to make sure that their bikes were not going to fall over.  God forbid there was a scratch on one of them.  I wanted to snicker at the guys, but I refrained.  Juice walked over and took my hand into his and guided me to another part of the plane that Elliott Oswald had outfitted with several couches and chairs.  He was kind enough to see to our comforts.  I settled on the couch next to Juice, who quickly got up to go speak to Jax and Opie.   That flight was the first time I flew sans seatbelt. Hell, it was the first time I had ever been in a cargo jet.

          “Now Kylee since you aren’t hiding anything from us.” Chibs vaguely referred to my pregnancy but left it at that.   “Would you like to see what it is like to be drunk whilst flying?”  He gleefully inquired as he held up two bottles of Jameson.

          “Aye Scot.  Tis a bit early for me but let’s go.” I threw some of my Irish at him.  I knew I couldn’t drink him under the table but I would try.  “I’ll try and defend my Irish heritage against you.  Did you lift those from SAMBEL?”

          “Aye. They won’t miss them. What are they going to do take them back now?” Chibs laughed out his admission.   

          My favorite parts of flying were the taking off and the landing.   If the pilot did it right it was like being on a roller coaster.   Chibs sat down on the couch that was across from me.  He pulled the cap of the Jameson and handed it to me.

          “Am I supposed to drink this all by myself?”  I inquired as I looked at the full bottle.  I could tell by Chibs’ smirked, that the bottle was meant for just me. 

          “Nah, I’ll help.” Happy took the bottle from me and took a long drink of it.   “I hate flying, especially take-off and landing.” 

          I looked at him in disbelief. “Really? Those are my favorite parts.  I love watching the land get further and further from me.  It’s exhilarating.”  He handed me the bottle of Jameson; I took a drink of it and then I handed it Chibs who took a long drink.

          Juice walked over to us and looked at me, “Being influenced by these two already?” 

          “You can join us for a drink.” Chibs handed him the bottle.  I moved over so he could sit by me.  Happy sat next to Chibs.  Soon after Opie, Jax and Tig joined us in our drinking.  Chibs was right there was nothing better than flying at 50,000 feet and drinking.  The plane ride consisted of us drinking and then passing out…well I passed out before I was too drunk.  I was exhausted from everything that had went happened over the previous few days; shit, the prior month.  I needed to sleep for a few days straight to regain my energy and a normal state of mind.    A patch of turbulence jolted me awake.  The first thing I noticed was Juice wasn’t with me.   I glanced around and I saw him and Opie talking.  I was about to get up and tell him to come back and hold me but I caught part of their conversation.

          “…I don’t want to bring it up with her Op.  She has already been hurt so badly, plus she hasn’t brought it up yet.  I feel horrible about what I did to her with Ima.   I needed to blow off steam that night.  I told her I loved her that morning and then I let Ima give me a blowjob, and that is certainly a way to tell a girl you love her right?  I look at her and I feel that sting even though I am the one who caused it.”  I knew that they were talking about me and what to do next. 

          I yawned and decided to not pay attention to what they were saying and try to go back to sleep.  Eventually Juice moved me slightly so he was spooning me on the couch.  He thought he was being careful and trying not to wake me but I was already awake, I turned over to face him.   

          “I’m sorry did I wake you?” He whispered seeing there was no need to talk in a normal tone when I was just inches from his face.

          “No, I was somewhat awake.  I am groggy, stupid airplanes and stupid whiskey.” _Never again_ , I thought to myself.    Juice had concern in his eyes, he opened his mouth like he was going to say something and then stopped.  I sat up on the couch, we were too close together for what he was going to say to me.   “If you want to say something Juice, just say it.”  I stood up and started to walk away, I was surprised how nice it was traveling in a cargo plane; slightly louder than traveling in a normal plane but it was far more comfortable.  I heard Juice get up and follow me.

          “We need to talk don’t we?”  He said quietly with defeat.  I knew he didn’t want to bring up Ima but he was going to, I was sure that is what he thought I needed to heal or he had to make things right with me.  He was probably right.  But at that moment, I was dealing with leaving Liam, shooting someone (even if he was a complete sadist) and the death of the baby, so the Ima thing was the least of my concerns but it if made Juice feel better I would deal with it when he needed to.   “Every time I look at you I see your face when you found me with Ima.” 

          “What am I supposed to do about that Juice?”  I asked putting up my walls, getting ready for a fight.

          “Nothing.  I just want you to know, that I have never regretted anything more in all my life.  I betrayed you.  I told you I loved you and the first time I am given a chance to prove myself I fuck up.  I probably deserve no better than Liam.”  He paused rubbing his head.  “I don’t deserve your forgiveness but I am asking for it.”  I couldn’t remember the last time I had been apologize to.  I considered him as he stood there, he looked at me his stance was defeated.   “Without you I have been broken.”  He finished

          I smiled sympathetically, “Juice, honestly what happened with Ima broke my heart.  She’s a worthless piece of human being who is taking up precious air.   I cannot say that I haven’t been mad at you for the past few months because I have.  Whenever I thought of you, I would see Ima giving you a blowjob.  It still stings, it probably will for a while.  But that doesn’t mean I cannot forgive you because as soon as I saw your face in Belfast I forgot about it and forgave you.  I don’t know still if I can trust you especially when Ima is still in the picture. It’s just going to take time.”     

          “She can be out of the picture.” Juice replied without delay.  I knew that couldn’t be true, because she worked at Cara-Cara which the Sons owned.  They also helped with security there when it was needed, she would always be around until she lost her beauty, got pregnant or contracted an STD.   All of which I hoped happened to her immediately. 

          “Not really, Juice.  You guys are at Cara-Cara, so she will never really be gone.  All I know is if I see her anytime soon I will lose my fucking mind.  Too much has happened and I feel like I am going to snap.   She might be that straw that breaks me.”  I looked at him.   “Anyway, I am willing to work through this with you but I need you to promise me something.” 

          “Anything.”  Juice quickly replied.

          “Hear me out before you make any hasty decisions, because you might not like what I have to say.”  He raised his eyebrows. “Juice, I need you to promise me you will never cheat on me.  I know that some of the guys have clauses, basically what happens in another charter stays there but that doesn’t work for me.  I have already been treated like shite for years and I can’t handle being lied to or cheated on.”  

          “I promise.” He didn’t even hesitate.  I closed the space between us and looked up at him.

          “Are you sure?  I feel like I could be asking a lot from you.” 

          “Why?  Because you would get to worship my body?”  Juice snickered.

          “What? Are you kidding me?  Do you think your some sort of sex god?” I scoffed.  He raised his eyebrows at me. “You’ll have to prove it to me, then I will decide if I should worship your body…granted it’s sexy enough to be.”  I ran my hand down his chest to the top of his jeans.

          “You two really need to just get it over with and fuck.” I heard Tig say from behind me.  He walking through the plane to use the bathroom which was in the front near the cockpit.  We laughed, but the truth of the matter was we did but we didn’t have the privacy that I would like or the time.   

          “I think he’s right you know.” Juice pulled me close to him. 

          “Not here.  Not now.”  I said.  I would not become an exhibitionist.  I would not become like one of the crow eaters.  _I am better than them_. I thought to myself.  I didn’t need to throw myself at Juice.    “Let’s just go lay back down.  I’m still somewhat tipsy from the damn Jameson.”   We went back to the couch which was now taken by Tig; I hadn’t even see him pass by us again.  That was fine there were some blankets piled near one of the sides of the plane so we took one of the pillows that Tig stole from us and went to lay on the blankets.   I nestled in next to Juice with my head on his chest letting him have the pillow.  I laid there and listened to his heartbeat, before I knew it I was being woken up the by sound of landing gear and Juice caressing my hair.

          Juice quietly said, “Hey Ky, we are almost home.”    I stretched out, my muscles were sore and my side ached terribly.  I cringed as I sat up.  “Are you okay?” Juice asked. 

          “I’m fine. I’m just sore.”  I stood up slowly clutching my side.   Opie who was sitting in one of the chairs near us noticed me. 

          “You should get that checked out by the doc when we get back.”  Opie said with concern.

          “Didn’t they give you any pain meds?” Juice asked.

          “Yes of course they did but somehow they disappeared. I’m sure they ended up in Liam’s pocket.  He didn’t care anymore, plus I am sure he wanted me to remember what the pain meant. It will go away. I was just laying on that side so I am sure that is why I am sore there.”  I tried to smile through the pain.

          “Stop making excuses, you are going to see Tara when we get back.”  Juice stated very matter-of-factly. 

          “Fine.”  I knew there was no use in arguing with him because I was pretty sure that one of the Sons would carry me against my will to see Tara. 

          “We should all sit down.” Jax came walking towards us from the front of the plane, “We’ll be landing in about 5 minutes.”  He sat down next to Chibs on one of the couches. 

          The landing was bumper than I would have liked, but watching Happy’s face turn pale white made all the head jerking worth it.  I smiled at him, he grimaced back at me.    “Don’t worry tough guy, I will keep your secret.” I said to him as we came to a stop.     Instead of riding out of the plane with Juice on his Harley, I walked down the large ramp ahead of them. I needed to stretch my legs on solid ground.  The plane was large enough to walk around in but as you walked around you were jostled from time to time; it was nothing like being on the solid ground.   The guys drove their Harleys down the ramp, where Juice stopped near me. I happened to be standing with my eyes closed and facing the sun with a funny smile on my face.  I had missed the sun. 

          “Someone is happy to be back.” Chibs winked at me as he pulled up next to me.

          “I am so glad that it is sunny out.” I replied as I walked over to Juice, who was holding out a helmet for me.  I strapped it on and climbed onto the back of his bike.  From what I understood of the plans we were going to head back to the clubhouse before going home.    The guys needed to check in with Clay and Bobby.  I am sure it was to fill them in on what happened in Belfast and to discuss what SAMBEL was up to.    Thankfully the ride to the clubhouse wasn’t that long, my side was continuing to bother me and I was exhausted even though I did get some sleep on the plane.  There was something about traveling and the time difference was starting to kick my ass.  I just wanted to shower, go to bed and possibly sleep for days.   

          We got back to SAMCRO’s clubhouse where were people sitting outside waiting for the guys to return.  I was surprised that there were so many crow eaters waiting as well, wait maybe I wasn’t, most of them knew that the single guys tended to want to seek comfort in them when they got back from a run.    I picked out the familiar faces of Tara, Gemma and Donna.  I was glad to see them.   The guys lined their bikes up next to the motorcycles that were already parked and turned them off one by one.  Tara and Donna went running up to Jax and Opie.  They really did love their men.  I smiled as I took off my helmet and got off of Juice’s bike.  He laced his fingers into mine as we walked towards the clubhouse. 

          “Glad to have you back, darlin’” Gemma embraced me and kissed my cheek.  “How you feeling?”  Concern burned in her eyes.                                                                      

          “I’m tired and sore but nothing a good night’s sleep won’t cure.”  I said to her, Juice recollected my hand as Ima walked out of the club house with a smile that soon faded when she saw me.

         


	9. Chapter 9

“If you’ve ever fallen down and lost your spark, get back up as the whole damn fire.” 

~ Theresa Thomas

          It took me a second to realize that she was walking straight towards to us.  She was wearing a one-piece summer jumper, that was bubble gum pink and it made her look like she was 15 years old.   However, the whore had on far too much make up to be mistaken for someone underage.  I thought she looked like a teenage boy’s wet dream.

          “What the fuck is she doing here?” Ima hissed as she looked at Juice’s hand intertwined with mine. “You going to raise that bastard child, she’s carrying Juicy?”  She made a pouty face at him. 

          _Did she really just say that?_ I thought as a quiet flame of rage began to burning within me.   “Shut the fuck up you, stupid whore,” I spit back at her as I let go of Juice’s hand.  I could feel my blood begin to boil, just seeing her made me angry. It brought back everything that had happened before I had left for Belfast.   Juice tried to grab my hand again, to pull me back to him but I shrugged him off.   I wanted nothing more than to pound her pretty face into the pavement.  I wanted to take out all the pent up anger I had in me out on her.   But I didn’t; I held onto the anger within my tightly clinched fists.

          Ima placed her hand on her hip and glared at me, “Honey, if you remember the last time you were here, I was the one who ended up on top.  Literally!  That night Juice fucked me in at least 20 different positions. We went all night.” 

           I took a deep breath and turned around to leave; I just wanted to get away from Ima and her foul being.  I knew nothing good would have come if I continued standing there; we were already drawing the attention of the other Sons.   I heard Gemma mumble something as I started to walk away.

           “I’m not done with you yet, you, stupid bitch.  Do you think you can come back here and steal my man?”  Ima grabbed my shoulder.

          How dare she touch me! I whipped around and before she could react to me I punched her in her pretty little face. I felt some joy as Ima fell backwards onto her ass and sat there with her face in her hands.  “First of all don’t ever touch me with your nasty hands again.  Second if he was your man then why did he come to Belfast for me?”  I watched the blood stream through her hands which were holding her nose.  “Have fun trying to suck cock with a broken nose, you foul skag.” I stormed passed her and into the club house to get ice for my hand, her face was surprisingly hard.  

          “Hey.” One of the prospects said to me as I walked in and made my way to the bar.

          “Can you get me some ice for my hand and a shot of something strong?”  I rubbed my knuckles gently. 

          “Um…” He looked past me at someone, who must have been Juice. He had clearly followed me inside, hoping he could do damage control.   “Yeah, no problem.”  The prospect said as he poured me something that was clear and handed me a bag of ice for my hand.  I sat on the stool at the bar and took the shot. It burned as it went down.  

          Juice sat next to me and turned my stool towards him so I was facing him.  “I’m sorry she was here.”  He said quietly.   I couldn’t help but feel betrayed by him; he conveniently left out the fact that he had been with Ima after I left.  Or maybe she had said that to me to piss me off.    

          “Well I am glad someone finally put her in her place.  She walks around here like she owns the place.”  I heard Donna saying as she walked in with Opie and Jax.    Donna walked up to me and gave me a hug.  “Glad you back. How are you?”  

           I wasn’t sure if she knew about the baby or what had happened so I looked at Opie and asked, “Does she know?”

          “Jax called Tara yesterday after everything happened and we knew that you were coming back with us.”  Opie said.

           I was grateful I wouldn’t have to retell her what happened.   “I am okay.  I just want to go home. No offense to anyone here; I am just done with today.  Too much has happened in the past few days. But I am happy to see you.” I looked at her, she looked like home to me.  I hadn’t realized to it until that point but I had really missed Donna.

          “Oh, Ky, it is understandable.”  She pulled me into another hug and then whispered in my ear, “I am so glad you punched her.” I gave her a small smile as we parted. 

          I turned to Juice, “I know you have a meeting but can you get a prospect to take me home?” I asked, I didn’t want to be at the club house any longer than I needed to be.  I just wanted to go home and soak in the tub and then snuggle into bed.

          “I’ll take you home.” Tara appeared with a smile on her face.  Oh, thank god another friendly face.  I hated to start out my time back on the wrong foot.  I didn’t know who had seen what had happened but I knew Juice and Gemma would tell them the truth.  Was I actually feeling bad about punching Ima?  Ugh, I needed sleep.    

           Juice gently grabbed my wrist as I got up and started to walk away.   “I’ll come over after we finish here.”

           I just nodded as he kissed my hand and released it as I said, “I’ll leave the door unlocked.”  

          Tara and I were walking out of the clubhouse as Clay walked by us.  He was a big man with silver hair, blue eyes and a defining brow.  He stopped me…shit I thought.

          “Nice job, sweetheart.  One less piece of gutter trash hanging around.   I am glad you didn’t let her treat you like she was Juice’s old lady.  We all know he’s been pussy whipped by you since day one.” He smiled at me. “Glad your back.” He hugged me and said quietly, “sorry about the baby.” 

          “Thanks.” I looked up at him thankful he wasn’t pissed off about the whole situation with Ima.   I was their family and she wasn’t.  When Tara and I got outside, I noticed that Ima was still hanging around.  She was crying at Happy, who was messing with his bike and trying to ignore her.

          “She just punched me out of nowhere Happy.  She is a crazy bitch, do you really think Juice should be with someone like that?”   I heard her say.  Happy smiled at me; Ima saw I was coming out of the building and clung to Happy like I was gunning for her.  I shook my head and rolled my eyes.  If I was going to hurt her, I would have done it while she was down.

          “I would love to see her punch your pretty little face again.  I heard what you said to her and if I were her I would have done a lot worse.   Actually you are lucky she only broke your nose, she should have done worse.”   He pushed her away from him and towards Tara and me.  She let out a yelp and ran to her car.  She had blood down the front of her, I hoped that it ruined that ugly jumper.    Happy walked passed us and touched me lightly on the shoulder.  I smiled weakly at him.   

          The drive to my brother’s house…wait, my house was short and Tara didn’t say much.  I was sure that she knew I just needed silence; it was so nice and it didn’t feel forced or awkward.  It was the peaceful sort of silence I needed.   We pulled into the driveway and I noticed a large sign on my garage, it said:

WELCOME HOME KYLEE!!!

          It warmed my weary soul to see that they cared so much.  A broad smile crossed my face as looked over at Tara who was smiling too. 

          “I am glad you’re back.  I’ve missed you.” She exclaimed merrily.

          “Can you do me a favor?” I asked her, she looked at me.  “I’ve been having some pretty severe pains in my side for the last few days.  Is there any way I could have you take a peek at my side?” 

          “Of course.”  Tara said as we made our way into the house.  “Surprise!” She said with excitement pouring from her every pore.  I looked around the house and it looked completely different.  The walls were painted a lovely shade of light blue and there was new carpet and furniture in it.    I started to tear up, the giving and caring nature of these people was far beyond anything I had ever experienced in my life.   

          “I love it but it’s too much.”  I wiped the tears from eyes. 

          “I can’t take all the credit; it was Juice’s idea.” Tara wrapped her arm around my shoulder.  “Now let’s take a look at your side.”  

          I took a deep breath and lifted up my shirt.  Ashamed of the bruises my body held.   “It hurts right here.” I touched the right side of my body which was still a deep purple color.  “The doctor never told me if anything was broken even though I am sure I have at least one broke rib.  I am sure that Liam just paid him off. He sent me home with some pain meds that I only had for a few days before they disappeared. Probably Liam’s way to make me remember…to punish me.”  As I thought about it further, no one ever asked me what happened.  I wish I would have known the story that Liam had told the doctors.  It was too late; I would never find out. 

          Tara started out by lightly pushing softly on my left side, “Does this hurt?” She asked me.  I shook my head; it wasn’t uncomfortable in the least.  Then she moved to my right side using the same amount of pressure, I winced in pain immediately.   “I think you have a few broken ribs but we can’t be sure unless we do an x-ray.  Are you up for going over to the hospital now?” 

          “Do I have much choice?”  I asked her.  Knowing that I really should just get it done and over with.   

          “We can wait until tomorrow but if we go now, I will be able to prescribe some pain medication for you.” 

          “Alright let’s go.”  I started towards the door.  “Can you call Jax and have him tell Juice what is going on?” 

          “Of course.”  She grabbed her cell phone and called Jax.  “Hey baby, I know you guys are in your meeting but when you get this message will you let Juice know I brought Kylee to the hospital for some x-rays.  And I will have her back home in no time.  Love you.” 

 

          At the hospital Tara and I were waiting for the x-rays to be developed, it seemed like it was taking forever but of course it really wasn’t that long.  She looked at my hand too while we were there.  It had started to bruise slightly from where it came into contact with Ima’s nose.   Thankfully my hand didn’t hurt, well in comparison to what I had been through.    The nurse walked out of the back room with three radiographs. 

          “Here you go Dr. Knowles.”  She handed Tara the radiographs and smiled politely at me. I returned her smile.

          “Thanks Jane. Let’s go to my office, we can look at them in there.”    We went to her office where she hung the radiographs up one by one on the viewer.  I wasn’t a doctor but I knew what broken bones looked like.  I had three broken ribs one of was broken in several places.    “Do you have any shortness of breath?”

          “No, I have just been in pain.  Breathing just fine.”                                           

          “Well you are lucky then, there are no other injuries to the organs around these ribs.  Unfortunately there is nothing I can do to fix them but I can give you pain meds so that will help out a lot.  Also I recommend no strenuous activity for the next 3 to 4 weeks while your ribs heal.” 

          I laughed. “You want to write me a note so I can give it to Juice.”   Tara laughed she jotted something on a piece of paper and handed it to me.   It said _Kylee is out of commission for 3 to 4 weeks pending another x-ray.  DOCTOR Tara Knowles._      “Thanks.”  I giggled.  How was he going to take that?  I knew I would have a hard time keeping my hands off of him and I was the one who was in pain.   Tara wrote me a prescription for pain medications before we left the hospital.

          When I got back to my house, Juice still wasn’t there.  I decided to draw a bath for myself.  I pulled out my bath stuff I had brought with from Ireland.  I was looking forward to just relaxing.  I went into the kitchen as the tub was filling and looked in the refrigerator, they had fully stocked it…including wine.  I looked into my cabinets and they were filled as well.  I pulled a wine glass out and filled it with the Riesling that was in the fridge.  Then went back into the bathroom and climbed into the bathtub with my glass of wine.  Bubbles brimmed over the edge of the tub.   That is when I heard his Harley pull up to the house; I didn’t bother getting out of the bath tub.  Juice was a big boy and he would find me.    The front door opened and closed, I heard him out in the kitchen; he was probably taking off his cut and gun. 

          “Ky?”  Juice said quietly in the hallway.

          “I’m in here.”  I responded.  He opened the door and stood in the doorway.   He looked tired, he had, had a long day as well.   “Care to join me?”  I asked him. 

          He nodded as he took off his shirt.  “How did the hospital go?”  I basked in his shirtless wonder.

          “I have three broken ribs.  Tara wrote you a note…” I nod over towards my pants that were lying in the middle of the floor.  He pulled the note out of my pants.  He laughed.

          “Okay, so no sex for a month huh?”  He said as he started to take off his pants. 

          “Are you okay with that?”  I looked up at him as he dropped his underwear on the floor behind him and motioned for me to move forward so he could get in behind me.   

          “For you, I am.”   He said as he gently pulled me close to him.  I was happy my house had a tub large enough for the both of us.  I laid back on him, I just felt so right with him; my whole being just relaxed.    Juice played with my wet hair and then embraced me. 

          “How was your meeting?”  I asked.

          “We have to take a run to Tacoma in a week.  They have some business up there that we need to help them straighten out.”   _Leaving already?_ I thought, at least we had a week to spend together.  “The guys were really impressed with how you handled Ima today.  Most of them caught you trying to walk away and her grab you.  She deserved you hitting her.”   Ugh, why was he ruining our wonderful bath by bringing her up?

          I swallowed hard, “Was what she said true?” 

          “About having sex with her?”  I stared at the water dripping into the tub from the facet as I waited for his answer.   “Yes.” 

          I felt the tears drip down my face and on to my chest.  I started to sob, I didn’t know if I was actually upset that Ima was telling the truth or if I was upset because I had a horrible afternoon and I was exhausted.   I started to get out of the bath tub and just to collect myself.  I grabbed my towel and wrapped it around my body.   “I just need a second.”  I sobbed as I walked out of the bathroom.  I heard Juice get out of the bathtub right after me.   I walked into the master bedroom which was outfitted with a new king bed which I threw myself down on and just cried.   He came into the room just as I sat up and wiped my face.    He was dressed from the bottom down.  He kneeled by the bed and took my hands into his but not before wiping a stray tear from my face. 

          “Kylee, I am sorry.  I should have told you and I would have but, I didn’t think it would have come up that quickly.  I didn’t think she would have thrown it at you like that.”  He had regret in his eyes.   He really had no clue what sort of person Ima was, not like I did.

          “Really?  Juice she is horrible person and I hate her.  I want to rip to pieces.  What sort of person would throw that at another?”  I questioned.  What made Ima become such an awful person?  She was like one of those girls I disliked so much in school?  The bitches who thought they ran the whole school when the truth was they were disliked by everyone even the guys they fucked around with.    “I am not happy that you guys fucked especially after we had sex earlier that day. Not after you told me you loved me.  But right now I can’t process anything.  I just need to take some pain meds and go to bed.”  I sighed deeply. 

          “Do you want me to leave?”  Juice searched my face for an answer.  I hadn’t even considered the fact that he would be leaving.   Because the truth was I wanted him to stay.

          “No.” I replied.  “But would you please leave the room while I change.”  He nodded and walked out of the room.  I changed into my yoga pants and my favorite oversize t-shirt and walked out into the living room where Juice was sitting on the couch texting someone.  He looked up at me as I passed him on my way to the kitchen where I had left my prescription.  There were flowers on the table that were not there when I got home.   I smiled as I took my meds and walked out into the living room after turning out the lights in the kitchen.  “You bought me tulips.”  I gave Juice a small smile.

          “I thought you needed something good to happen today.”  He replied as he stood up and walked over to me. 

          “Thank you.”  I said to him as he hugged me to him. 

          He tilted my chin up to so I was looking at him and he kissed me softly on the lips.  “You’re welcome.” 

          I was looking forward to climbing into my new bed, in my own house, in my new city with my boyfriend who had fucked up but I loved him.   For some reason I felt like everything was going to work out and life would be fine in the morning after a good night sleep.  Juice kissed me goodnight and that is all I remember, once my head hit the pillow I was sound asleep.   I didn’t wake up even when Juice got out of bed in the morning.  I got up around noon.  There was a bag with a bagel in it on the table and coffee which was now cold in the coffee pot.  There was a note from Juice on the counter,

          _Call me when you get up.  I didn’t want to wake you, however I am sure that I wouldn’t have by the way you were snoring_ _J_ _.  You obviously needed to sleep.  I have left one of my prepaid cell phones for you.  Xoxo J._

          I picked up the phone, it was an old flip phone, seriously this club needs to get into the 21st century I thought.   Juice had programed his number into the phone for me which was very sweet.  It rang a few times and Juice answered.

          “Hey.” He said

          “Hi.  I am finally awake.”  I replied

          “Good, have you eaten yet?” 

          “No, I was just about to dig into this bagel you left me.” 

          “Don’t, we’ll go get some food at the café.  I’ll be over in 15.” 

          “Alright, I will get changed and see if I can do something about my hair.”  I shouldn’t have went to bed with it wet.    I walked into the bathroom and looked at myself in the mirror, where was that carefree girl that was here the last time?  There was so much that had happened since I was here last, I needed to find her.   My hair was not as bad as I thought it was going to be, I just pulled it back into a messy bun, brushed my teeth and put on some mascara.    I was dressed and ready to go by the time Juice walked through the front door. 

          “Hi” He kissed me. “You look nice.” 

          I looked down at myself, I was wearing a pair of jeans and a tight black shirt.  “Thanks.  So I really need to go buy a phone today.”  I told him. 

          “Okay, we can do that.”  I handed him the prepaid phone. “Keep it.” 

          “This is a fossil, you know that right?” I joked as I put it on the table that sat by my front door.  “I thought you were the technology guy in the club.” 

          “I am.” He said in his own defense.

          “Then why do all of you guys have flip phones still?  There are these wonderful phones out that that you do not need to flip to answer.  They are fabulous.”  I pushed. 

          “Ha. Ha. Let’s go before you make more fun of my club.” 

          “Not making fun of the club, I am making fun of the lack of technology.  You guys can keep your flip phones since they seem to have some nostalgic meaning to you all.  I will be purchasing one of those new-fangled phones that have cameras.  Wow is it a camera or is it a phone?  Ooh its two in one.”  I laughed as he pushed me out the door. 

          Lunch at the local café was delicious.  I went to go take some money out of my bank account but looked at my balance first and it was much larger than it should have been.  There had to be a mistake.  I had all of the money that Kip left me in another account.   I stood there looking at the slip of paper with my account information. 

          “Can I use your phone?” I asked Juice. 

          “This old thing?”  He held it out so I couldn’t grab it.  He then saw the confused look on my face.   I handed him my bank statement.  “Holy shit.” 

          “There has to be a mistake.” I said I as grabbed his phone and dialed my banks number, I was happy that my bank was based in the US.  “Hello, my name is Kylee Epps and I am calling because I think there is a mistake with my bank account. There is more money in it than should be. ” I rattled off my account information to the person on the other line.

          “Alright Miss Epps, if you wouldn’t mind giving me a second so I can look into this.”  I could hear typing, “Oh I see what happened.  It looks like the large amount of money was transferred to your account this morning from another account in Northern Ireland.  We do ask that you do not withdraw any large sums until we have transferred all of the funds.” 

          “Okay well thank you.”  I said as I hung up.  I leaned back against the wall that I was standing by.  Juice just stared at me.  I dialed Seamus’ number.

          “Hello?”

          “What the fuck?” I asked

          “I knew you would be calling.  I see you got my gift.”  I could tell Seamus was smiling on the other side of the phone. 

          “Your gift?” I questioned.  He had given me more than enough to live on for the rest of my life. 

          “Yes, it was what Liam had in his account.  He left everything he had to me.  However, that money by all means is yours.  I don’t need it, I have plenty of my own.”  He said nonchalantly as if he did that every day.  I knew Seamus was a good guy but the amount of money that he gave me was far beyond just being a nice.

          I knew that arguing with him was useless and a waste of time.  “Alright.  Thank you by the way, and not for the money.”

          “You’re welcome.  Now go live your life to the fullest!  I love you, Ky.  Let me know if you ever feel like coming for a visit.” Seamus said quietly. 

          “I love you too, Shay.  And if I ever want to visit there again it will be a long time.  You can always come stateside you know.” I would miss him deeply; he was one of the only people I could trust in Northern Ireland.  He had become my family as much as Trinity and Kerry had.

          “Aye, I know.  I will speak to you soon love.” Seamus replied.

          “Bye.”  I handed Juice his phone and stood there trying to take it in.  I was the recipient of all of Liam’s money.  He had far more money than I thought and with the exchange rate I had even more.   I had more than enough money to buy all of the members of SAMCRO new cellphones.   

          “What did he say?”  Juice questioned me.

          I laughed, feeling sort of delirious. “It was all Liam’s money and Seamus said it was now mine.”  I was overwhelmed with the money but I knew what I was going to do with some of it.   First thing I was going to do after buying a phone was payback Tara and anyone else who helped set up my house for me. 

          “Shit.”  Was all Juice had as a response.

          “I know, right?!”   I replied.  I would be eternally grateful to Seamus for all his kindness he showed me throughout the years of my relationship with his brother.  When I thought about it, he loved me more than he loved his own brother.  He killed his brother for what he did to me and our unborn child.    I would forever be in his debt but he wouldn’t ever call me on it either.  That is what I loved about Seamus his giving spirit and his commitment to those he loved. 

         

         

 


End file.
